Onward

As usual in my posts the last year or so it's been a while. I've become horrible at updating and keeping you ( my non existent devoted readers) up to date. Not that much is happening. 

Basically my life is boring and uneventful. I''m a typical college senior. Heavy work load that i dont want to complete thanks to senoritus. Main concern at the moment is a job. Had a nice experience at the career fair when a company asked me back and am currently running down various jobs. Mainly in the power and insurance industries. It's a time of regrets. A different major or a different choices and I wonder where I would be. Maybe leaving nrotc was a poor decision. On top of that my fraternity is nothing but stress central. As president, everything seems to flow into my net and I'm onset by a non-caring junior class and an incompetent sophomore class. I literally dream about handing over the reigns to the next person and washing my hands of the mess.

My love life is better then normal in some ways. I have someone in my life though were both super busy and see each other on an almost rigid schedule. I like her, she likes me etc etc. I don't love her. And not in the not yet or its brewing type way. I can't imagine a longterm future with her. It's all good for now, It's nice to be wanted. 

Talked to kelli today for the first time in a while. It was an overly pleasant conversation. She asked about my lady, classes life plans and all. We talked about being old and there was even a hint of the old friendship I use to rely on. She is dating a girl at the moment aka the girl she use to drunkenly do things with and her are claiming to be in a serious relationship. I'm sure it'll crumble but am semi curious as to why. I like to think I'm over her but it's more of I'm at a close enough to spiting her point that I could deny myself if she wanted me in order to make her understand how wronged I feel by her. 

Hopefully, these infrequent talks will allow us to evolve into a real friendship not built around her getting what she wants and me being blind to any wrongs. It's odd though I don't think about her during the day or compare other girls to her, but almost every other morning when I wake up my first thought is I miss here. I wish she was her. Maybe its a fleeting thing. Something brought out by stress as I seek to put myself in an older less stressed reference point.

Tune in soon for:

More Fraternity Shenanigans

My love life in explicit detail

Places to get away this Fall

The High and The Low

Spring break ended this weekend. Hardly measured up to what I did last year when I wasn't at rpi. I slept a lot and pretended to get started on work. Highlight before last night was a trip to nearby Saratoga Springs for a night on the town. Some buds and I walked and smoked and had a cup of coffee. Super Classy. Sweater vests and sports coats all around. Met some girls but couldn't pursue due to our inability to meet the minimum drinking age. I think next year that will be my Friday nights. Dinner, Cigars, Coffee, Bars. Keep it classy.

Academically I'm unsure. My grades are great currently but I'm uncomfortable with one of my classes. I ran the number and it's unlikely that I'll graduate May 2011. But barring unforeseen luck, It'll likely be December 2011. That in consideration I will probably try for a co-op or dual major in philosophy. I know philosophy is useless but I enjoy it. It'll teach me to be more pragmatic along with the nuances of kelli. Law school and Phd are competing for my attention. I like the idea of being a prestigious academian but like the career possibilities of the J.D. I'll figure it out soon.

Personally. Life isn't great. I'm broke till my school finances come through which is highly inconvenient. No phone calls. No coordinating things. Meh. Home is somewhere I dont want to see for a while. Nothing there for me. I wonder how I'll tell anyone I ever get serious with why I don't want them to meet my family. not even kelli is very familiar.

Speaking of kelli she was the high of my break. Though I might be better off describing her as the low. ( ooohhhh thats why he named this one that, grade A work here.) She was in town to spend time with her nearby aunt and her family was celebrating her mother's birthday. She invited me via alternative means to cellular tech. It was a hassle to arrange. texting from aim and messaging via facebook. I made it though and had a relatively relaxing evening. We ate dinner talked and had a casual night. I loved it. I feel like a member of the family and I like to imagine sometimes it's because we're married and it is happily ever after. Unlikely.

Tune in soon for:

Classes and more Classes

My fraternity Formal and my attempts to woo-ed a girl

Study tips to finish the semester strong

letters from home...

Today marked what I think I will look back on as a day of change in my life. For some months a crossroad has been approaching and I might have not only reached it but strode boldly through on the way to my future, distant and insignificant as it may be.

Spent all day in a Greek Life Leadership Summit. Bad coffee, boring seminars. Recipe for success ot so they said. I did get time to focus and think about where I want to lead my fraternity. I have a vision now that was hazy at best before today. I know where I want us to go and what steps I think are required to get there. Might have pissed some people off telling them to do the dishes. It saddens me at the general apathy that surrounds the house. I remember when it was a real possibility that we would cease to exist as a group and want to lead us to place where we will be strong. Some, perhaps even most, have an attitude of due the bare minimum and if we survive that is all that matters. Hopefully, the changes I have in mind will shift this attitude.

More importantly I got a letter from kelli today. It was not well received. It included a page-ish note along with a drawing of me. No clue why she added the drawing. Probably because she loves me. So it goes. The note said she's felt weird lately and wanted some distance ever since her visit. Apparently trying to sleep with all my friends to the point where they were embarrassed for me is a negative in our relationship. Though I did get really mad at her and call her a hor. Combined with the amount we both drank that night I can understand her feelings I suppose. She summed up with she thinks we should be best friends who can rely on each other. The letter inspired two feelings. One great sadness. She uses phrases like I'm not good enough for you and i want you to find someone whose right for you. I know she thinks she's too good for me. she gave me the league talk one night. And I thought I found the right person when I found her. Now though it's a somber complacency. I almost feel as if this would be a good time to say why are we friends?

I love her thats why

Tune in soon for:

A sobering conversation with kelli

That story of that girl I claim I'm gonna meet

Fun tricks to keep your V-day roses fresh longer

Story of a Man with a Bad Heart

Caved. I gave in on the secretiveness of these posts. Two of my close friends have seen and read to their hearts content. I hope that doesn't change my attitude or destroy the sense of escape this use to be for my conscious.

Week and Weekend were uneventful. Poster style events for a reasonably successful college student. I attended my classes and went to a winter carnival hosted by the school. There was a small house party at my frat last night but it was uneventful due to the size and scope. I did get he pleasure of listening to several cute ( see previous posts for def. of cute) girls discuss the merits of sleeping with then killing a guy. Unnerving as I drove them across town late at night unarmed. They didn't kill me. They didn't sleep with me. Oh well some things never change.

Had an interesting conversation with Kelli while I was basically sober. I chose to send her a song lyric and was pleasantly surprised by an almost instantaneous response. That's in sharp contrast to tonight when she asked if I wanted to webcam then didn't get on at the time she chose. We sent lyrics back and forth about love and missing someone. She stops to switch the topic to the possibility of a visit. I was ecstatic. She says she hopes to soon. Sadly I want her too. The last visit wasn't the best. Though it had it's moments that I wouldn't trade for the world. Maybe this is a test of my resolve and it's crucial that I pass. Realistically. I'd still choose her and that's most likely not the correct answer anymore. We'll see.

I did get the chance to talk to the old German exchange student from my HS today. She's literally the complete package. Smart. Pretty. Genuinely Nice. Funny...etc, etc. She's in Law School, speaks 6 languages, models professionally and has referred to me as cool multiple times. She suggested I go abroad for grad school. It's tempting. Number one, it allows me to fantasize about the possibility of University in Germany that turns into a hot romance between me and her. I can see it now. She probably already has the German beer maid outfit out and ready for me. Seriously she's smokin' hott. Number two, I want to go to Germany. Beautiful girl aside some of the greatest math of all time took place there. I love the idea of walking the same halls the Bernoulli's and their like did. The education would be top notch and the it'd open a whole different range of academia to me if I choose that as my career. Finally it could help me kick my Kelli habit. Surely, She can't compete with a whole continent. Much to ponder in the coming days.

Tune in soon for:

Summer Internship

Lady in a Red Hoodie, my possible new squeeze

How to Blow her away this Valentine's Day

Yesterday is Tomorrow's Future

Long time since I've had the nerve to sit down and collect my thoughts in a physical actuality. It's difficult to sit down, examine the soul and then be scared by the products of the reflection.

Life is what it is. Kelli is Kelli. We barely speak though when we do the same feeling emerge within me and the same aspirations for a future. I have no real hope for it.

RPI has improved greatly. Classes are going well and I'm confidant that I can graduate by Dec. 2011. I love two of my classes and one should help me decide on a future career. Math grad school is seeming to be the better choice but I'm still intrigued by the lawyer idea. I want to work at Gov School this summer and will soon apply. My current goal I think is a MS in math followed by the FBI. We'll see.

Tune in Soon For:

Math Thesis on Paradoxes

Life as a Fraternity President

Winter Wonderland Tips