What did I expect?

So I went up to see kelli at chapel hill this weekend. We went to the rocky horror pic show at a theater in Raleigh and all. I was actually excited about it. She said she was gonna be happy to see me. Two of our other friends still in Wilmington came as well. I guess I thought she actually wanted to see me. Hell. I'll even admit that i was hoping something was going to change between us this weekend. She's been into me almost. I though the culmination of the weekend would in some sort of way seal the deal. As I was leaving my brother and step dad announced that I was "that" guy. The guy that drives girls to parties and stands around while they find guys to fuck. Turns out they were right. I am.

The main highlight was seeing all the girls dress rather slutty for the show. Kelli was wearing a super short skirt and worried about her ass hanging out the back. Not to mention the first thing she did when I got there was put on the dress she could've worn to my fraternity formal. She's not going because she has a religious camp thing that same weekend. She doesn't believe in god. Basically she was saying look at how hot i could be for you but I'm not gonna. After. The show I discovered that none of them could say no the three super creepy guys that wanted us to go to breakfast with them. So we went to IHOP and had to wait like an hour to be seated then another 40 minutes for out food. At one point during the wait I asked everyone if they wanted to leave. They all said yes. When I tried to leave kelli said she'd feel bad leaving the guys. One of them paid for the food and afterward they all talked about how nice of guys they were. The guys had spent the whole time trying to get in their pants. Buying dinner was part of it. I take kelli out all the time and always try to make sure she's comfortable etc. I'm a loser, the guy trying to do nothing but fuck on of them, he didn't care which one, is the nice guy.

Sad thing is I was excited going to sleep because I had one of kelli's blankets and could at least pretend it smelled like her because she was there. I'm pathetic I know. I decided to go back to wilm early today. I don't have a good reason other then just telling kelli it was a mistake for me to come in the first place. I want something from her which I'll never get and she doesn't give a fuck about me unless it's convenient for her. I don't know if me and her can be friends.

In good news, since I ruined half me weekend in c hill, I'm suppose to drink and smoke hookah with erin. I'm excited. I like her I think. At the very least she interest me, which is something I can't really say of many girls for a long time. She actually seems interested. I guess I'll find out.

Tube in soon for:

The end of the kelli sagas, probably not.

Math Math Math, I love it cause it never lets me down

Fun facts sure to impress at your next oprah book club meeting

Too Legit to Quit

Life is life currently. No more no less. Work is the same and school is in a rut. I'm so ready for spring break and my subsequent trip to NY. Something good did happen though. I got another scholarship and hopefully my move out problem will take care of itself relatively shortly when I get that cash money. And maybe I'll cut down on my work schedule. Ive worked 40 hrs this week. Classes are easy though midterms are coming up and I don't know quite what to expect.

Main thing in my life is lady issues I guess. Kelli is kelli. One day I could swear she loves me other days I know she doesn't care at all. This weekend me and several friends are going to see her. Highlight all the girls will be dressed quite slutty. Downside, I know she'll make me feel like shit. I might have a talk with her and have a " friend break up". I don't know if we can keep being friends. She makes me feel wonderful but the extra stuff isn't worth it. The calc girl is going nowhere we basically stopped talking. I lost interest. Erin is a different story. She is intoxicating. Mainly thru her attitude. Maybe it's because she reminds of me kelli in some ways. I don't know how to start anything though. Maybe something will come of it. Laura has been odd. Clingy, distant, etc. She acts like if I talk to anyone else I've betrayed her. I'm not in the mood for her drama. I have enough relationship issues without being in a relationship. So basically my chances of getting laid in 2009 are zero. Life goes on though and so must I.

Tune in soon for:

Heartbreak weekend with kelli

My triumphant return to NY

Hair tips for the windiest days

no one else can fix me

mad. sad. bad. lad. dad. That's been my mood the last couple of days. Well the first couple at least. School and Work and Kelli wears a guy down. I've been having lots of headaches and sinus problems. I think as a direct result of my fucked up sleep schedule. Work blows. It's just highly inconvenient with classes and my schedule. Some days I feel like the walking dead. I'm looking for a new job. I'm hoping as a clerical person or something. My goal is 30 hrs a week or so and to clear 200 a week after taxes. Not a good time to be job hunting all things considered. Especially considering I have a relatively easy job with good pay. The hours are killing me though. I need the money though.

Move out scenario is still the same. I have nowhere to go and couldn't afford it if I did. Talked to my dad and he basically ran me around in a circle with you're better off at home aka its free. asshole. I blame him for NY. I wish I had taken loans and stayed at RPI now. I'm going back in march for a visit and my fraternity formal. I'm ecstatic. I miss everyone so much. The classes, the cold, everything. I invited Kelli to come as my date. She gave me a conditional yes then backed out the next day. She has some bs religious thing that weekend. She pissed me off royally. Not because she's not going but because she didn't just say she didn't want to. She's almost as religilous as me. I'd rather she said I don't want to go or don't think I should etc. I hate myself over her right now. I just want her to like me and have everything be work out.

I have been meeting girls at uncw. There's one in my math and old test class that I like. She doesn't make me feel alive the way Kelli does but she's nice, cute, and likes math. A perfect boring girl for me. It's all I want especially after seeing what happens when you let someone know how you feel. I was thinking about asking her out on a date. But yesterday I met a girl named Erin. She antiques me. She reminds me of several people rolled into one. I actually thought about her alot today after another chance run in since we first met yesterday. I'm nervous though. On top of that things with laura have been as wierd as ever. Somedays she seems really into m other days I don't know.

But fuck it, I've got work tonight and an assload of schoolwork to plow through.

Tune in soon for:

Valentine's day: It's gonna be awesome since I'm working the entire weekend.

Spring break plans since it's only a month away.

Tips to ace midterms and fly through exams.