Another Shitty Holiday

Thanksgiving day has come and gone and laugh is as shitty as ever. The holiday was incredibly boring, tiring and maybe, just maybe have reached unparalleled levels of suckiness. For starters, I worked wed. night and thur. night. So I had a 2 hour nap to run thru all of the festivities. I was tired and cranky the entire time. My one attempt to nap after the thanksgiving lunch lasted all of 5 minutes before my jack-ass 20 year old brother shoved a bugle up my nose. Asshole with a capitol fuckin' a as you can see. The dinner was fine though since for the most part I enjoy time with my dad's side of the family.



After dinner, my dad and me sat down to talk about my school plans. I've decided to go to uncw. I', not happy. I'm not going to be, I ended up flipping a coin to decide my future. Harvey Dent would be proud. My dad wants me to go elsewhere and thinks going back up north is a bad plan. maybe. I don't know. Conversation ended when he asked me what I wanted him to do in regards to my school, I said I don't care. He said that's not a good attitude. As I informed him, It's not a matter of good or bad attitudes. That is my attitude for better or for worse.



This was followed by trips to my step-dads mothers and my mom's g-parents. Nothing happened at my step-dad's. G-ma's was a shit show. My mom thru a hissy fit, yelled, etc etc. Great holiday. Followed by a boring night at work. All in all, another shitty holiday.

Saw kelli yesterday for 30 seconds. She and her family went to NY for thanksgiving and kelli asked me to dogsit. I got a quick hug and smile when they stopped by to pick up the key. Sucked. I still love her and she still doesn't give a shit about me. oh well.

Decided I need to get out of my house into a place of my own as soon as possible. Been having lots of arguments with my mom and step-dad over little piddly shit. I need space and time to think. Other day, while finishing roach world, step dad thru a tantrum over how lazy I've been over there. Best part when I began listing all the shit I had done over there I was informed i need to shut the fuck up. To be fair, I was an asshole about it. Since I was walking around going where did the furniture go? who fixed the door? How did blank happen? I've done 75% of the work over there not to mention the majority of the super nasty stuff. But, until we finished yesterday I hadn't done shit apparently. When the apt was ready it was oh you put in so much work. blah blah blah. assholes.

Tune in soon for:

A dysfunctional family holiday

What is happening with kelli and my chances of getting laid before I began balding.

The perfect Christmas: How to plan a wonderful holiday for your family at a fraction of the cost and with no stress.

One Week, Time to Think

Life has been pretty boring the last week. All I've done is work and run my gg-ma around town to the doc and crap. In fact, I haven't really hung out with anyone. Payday was friday. I met my friend cara for sushi. Cara is a nice girl. Cute, aka fuckable great breasts actually, and a really sweet personality. Kinda low self-esteem and she makes horrible guy decisions. You know, a normal girl. I also got accepted into all 3 of the schools I applied to for spring. UNCW, UNCG, and NCSU. I hate UNCG and NCSU. In addition, I found out I could probably go back to RPI if I want to. I want to. Unfortunately it would cost roughly ten grand a semester in loans. some federal some Private. I need 5 to 6 semesters so 60,000 dollars. That's a lot to have. Tried to talk to my dad about it. He's dead set against it. Basically said He wouldn't even bother helping me go to school period. Basically, I'm deciding between RPI with an assload of loans and money. Pros of RPI. Its a good school. Unlike UNCW which has a slightly less then perfect academic record. I have a life there. Friends, routine, favorite restaurants etc. UNCW is cheap and I could keep my job. Only pros to going there.

Kelli front is the same. She called me Friday night. Only because she was walking and people talk on cell phones when walking alone so they don't look like creepers. And she texted me a few days before that to see if I could dog-sit for her over thanksgiving. I've given up on going to UNC-CH because of her. Its the best public aka affordable school in the state. I'm worried though that the only draw for me there is her and when my delusions fall thru I'll hate the place.

Best part is I have a week to figure it all out. Dec. 1st. RPI or UNCW??? And with thanksgiving in the mix it's going to be a close tough call. hopefully I'll make the right decision. I have a feeling I'm going to be unhappy regardless. I don't want the debt and I don't want to stay here. Maybe I'll enlist in the navy and run away. Ask me in a week and maybe the world will make sense.

Tune in soon for:

Thanksgiving Day: I Hate Family Bullshit Part Gazillion and fifty three.

My future plans, and the groundwork for my future disappointments.

Turkey Tips to lock in the flavour and save valuable time

The Married Life

Boring days off. All I've done is sleep and relax. Nothing productive. Sleep schedule is completely off thanks to work. I'm lucky if I feel like drifting off by 5 or 6 am. I normally spend the night watching movies and TV on my laptop in bed. Not exciting but okay. I've decided that I want to go back to Rensselaer. Fuck the family. Fuck the cost. Most of all Fuck kelli. Me and her texted for about half an hour or so. Normal overly friendly stuff about the movies and whatnot. Told her my RPI plans but that I didn't know how. She says anything is possible. except for her was the obvious addition. Then she goes on to tell me she's at a boy's house. Just what I wanna hear. Told her I didn't fall out love with her, that I just gave up.

Other then that it was a lovely evening. Cooked dinner with an old friend. Then we sat and chatted about random things in our lives. It was nice. I felt relaxed and content in a way I haven't for a very long time. The night should have been boring. But cause of this I want more like it. More relaxing times. Me and her have had some rough times and it was nice to find that old warm feeling of a deep friendship.

Biggest worry right now is school. I want RPI back. No clue how to pay for it. No clue if it's even possible for spring semester. Not to mention telling my dad. He won't approve. I don't think he like me going there at all. I know he didn't like the fraternity or my friends. He'll tell me cost yadda yadda yadda other places. I've made up my mind. Though he needs to realize that I didn't just leave my classes behind in September, I left my entire life. Hopefully, He'll understand. I don't know. I'm looking foward to driving up there if I make it back. Long drive, time to think. Best part. I'll be 800 miles from kelli. I can forget and move on.

Tune in soon for:

Next semester plans and resolutions

My attempts to find a new "love". Too bad your mom's taken

How early is to early to start putting up Christmas decorations.

Tomorrow comes before the Sun

I don't have regrets. Never have, maybe I never will. Or so I like to think. I'm a people person. The face of steel. Predictable in it's arrogance. Basically, I am a different person by myself then around others. And one of the few social skills I have is the ability to gauge people's reactions and thoughts on various actions in advance. And knowing this, my action follow a pre-set path of what I should do. It's like when you're doing something. Maybe it's annoying, maybe it's not. Doesn't matter. And someone looks over and tells you to quit being an asshole and stop. The tone set the stage, If you stop you're a bitch, continue an inconsiderate jerk. I decided a long time ago that I was not and will never be a bitch. So sometimes I come off as an asshole. Happens. Like I said no regrets.

Unfortunately for me, that carefully crafted exterior of confidence devil be damned attitude falls apart for kelli. She makes me doubt. Makes me wonder. Makes me have regrets. Makes me question every decision Ive ever made. I called her tonight. She didn't answer, she rarely does. I put in the majority of effort into being friends. I start the communication. I'm there when she's in trouble. I wait for her to come around. And in return I get nothing but the empty feeling when she walks away or hangs up the phone.

I have a friend, soccer chick for our purposes. I describe her as the person I call when I go thru my phone's address book wanting to talk to someone and but can't find anyone worth calling. She's who I call. She gives me kelli advice. Her main bit being she's no good for me. Which is probably true. But I love the way kelli makes me feel on the inside. I love the smile on my face when we talk. The way I fall for her each time I see her. No other girl will do. And I can't even find a girl to try and get over her with. I'm not a casual romance kinda guy and any girl I'm close to knows about kelli. Not a great way to start a relationship.

On top of that. My future is uncertain. I hate all the school I applied to. The academics at two of the three suck. And the third I just dislike generally. I'm tempted to see about going back to NY, abandoning everything I have here. It's not a lot. 2 or 3 friends who I might keep. The memory of kelli maybe. Maybe I'll work at a hotel until I'm in my 70s and people we'll wonder what ever happened to me. Maybe Ill end up at school with kelli. We'll get married and live happily ever after.

Tune in soon for:

The quest for mathematics

My ultra top secret sure fire plan to win kelli's heart

How to turn down time into you time

The Night Shift

At work currently, bored outta my mind. Guy I work with is in the lobby watching TV. slacker. though I'm not much better chilling back here doing this. Work has been slow and uneventful. Highlight was figuring out how to hide 1100 dollars in the books to make them balance. And people wonder whats wrong with the economy. I don't get off till 7 but I might try and leave at 6.

Things are ok but odd with kelli. Benn talking via IM the last coupla days. My work all night sleep all day doesn't help communication between us. Mostly about one of her ex's who she's fighting with. They were BF and GF coupla years back. In fact he was kelli's first. So I guess there's a huge attachment. They go to the same college, so when kelli showed up this year they became fuck buddies. Unfortunately for kelli, that's all he wanted to be. She wants/wanted more. And they've been breaking into arguments over random things, questioning their friendship, insulting their mothers, etc. So she asks me for advice as if I'm an expert. The sad part is that I try to help. Let her find her feelings and do what she wants. I'm tempted to tell her that's what happens when you act retarded or sleep around but I don't. Feel like shit the more we talk though cause I feel bad that I'm happy a guy treats her like shit. I'm still waiting for the moment she realizes that and comes looking for me. Unlikely, I know. What else is there?

Tune in soon for:

Me, Kelli and a whole lotta laughs, mostly at my expense

work, family, my life, etc

Fun paper mache ideas for school projects that are sure to dazzle

The World has Changed...Supposedly

A new president has been elected, Barack Obama. I guess annoying emails have their place in the world of politics. I couldn't care less. I think 99% of people are retarded. So many people are either sure were going to enter a golden age because he was elected or that the USA's days are numbered. I hate to be the one to break the news, bring a nominal thing called reality into play, but both sides are full of shit. Obama is neither our saviour nor are downfall. Obama is a populist. And like every other populist he will disappoint. He's promised many bold things. Some I want, Some I do not. He will not carry out a magical " change" to the promised land. He'll be a mediocre president, remembered due to being the first African American president. The economy will doom him to one term. To be fair, I think McCain would've only had one term as well.

btw, I voted for Barr. I refused to vote for a candidate I dint believe in. So i voted for the third party who I actually liked. That was the main thing that pissed me off this election. People voting not for a candidate but against the other. Kinda defeats the purpose in my mind.

Life has been kinda boring and depressing the last week. I went and saw some of the schools I applied to for spring semester. I don't like them. They're all 20 steps below RPI academically, Not to mention, they're not RPI. I don't know the place. I don't know the people. Ive been thinking it might be better to just go back to RPI and take some loans. I don't know. Trip sucked because I was sick. Headaches, Nausea, Congestion, the works.

The highlight was a visit to kelli's college.It's easily the best in the Great State, but doesn't do the spring transfer thing. I met her on campus and walked around chatting more about her life then the school. I thought we were just friendly, but my dad afterward asked if I saw anything besides her. I guess I'm still a giant loser. She's been having boy problems. Which means she wants to talk to me. Mainly cause Ill tell it'll be alright. I want her to be happy even though it kills me. What i want her to realize is that I love her and wouldn't hurt her. Unlike every guy she goes for. Gah, I need to move on. Not gonna happen. We hugged 5 or 6 times Tuesday. Hello, goodbye, etc. That's all I need to carry me for a long time. As she walked away, I wanted to cry but couldn't. Life sucks.

Tune in soon for

Adventures of the Night Shift

The War against Ohio: America Trims the fat

great bargains so you can get everything and more on your Christmas wish list.