Not a whole lot has been happening. I sat around the house today in my underwear. Work tomorrow woop woop. Sent Obama this letter thru his website. I don't think he'll ever see it. So I'm posting it on here since I'm sure he's a loyal reader.
The Letter
Over the last couple days I have received dozens of emails about Obama for NC, change and a whole lot of other crap. It’s extremely annoying especially since I already voted. I was undecided up until i made my selection at my polling place and the slew of pro-Barack emails did not place him in a favorable light. So I have two suggestions and a question.
1.) Don’t be overly bothersome because it pisses people, me included, off.
2.) Don’t beg for money. Every email wanted 5 to 10 dollars. If economic times are so hard shouldn’t Obama understand that and stop begging. He's raised more money than any other campaign and obviously doesn’t need it if he can afford to waste it on things like an infomercial.
Now to my question...
If Obama is offering real change why does he want me to vote straight ticket democratic? Pulling a straight ticket says I’m an idiot that can’t make an informed voter decision on my own. It also says that Obama doesn’t care about what’s best for me, America, or the Great State of North Carolina since he wants my main focus to be on advancing one party instead of qualified individuals who I believe would do the best job.
Sincerely,
End of the letter
So basically yeah that's it. I doubt I get a reply. If i do awesome if not no biggie.
Tune in soon for
A presidential reply, pending Obama gets back to me
Whatever happned to kelli?
Delicious treats that make great gifts during the holiday season
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Voting: Not all it's cracked up to be
Work today and a trip to my local polling place. It doesn't get any more American, then a day in the salt mines followed by getting to choose my new overlord. I'm hoping that catches btw, overlord as a term of endearment for our leaders. Overlord Obama, overlord McCain, overlord whatever. Its catchy and funny.
Work was work. Completed an ass load of boring training while getting to listen in on the juicer bits of the office politics. Every other sentence from the GM's mouth was fire them. An acceptable if definite means of solving problems in the office. Hey she was talking about another guy with the same job as me. If he gets fired more hours for me. Bit cut throat, but hey that's corporate America. All I have left is the actual accounting portion of it. I'm ready to get started for real not training. Training sucks and doesn't pay as well.
Worked about 5 hours got off about 2 pm. Was waiting to turn right from a side road onto the main thruway. Lots of traffic. Not to mention, I was ready to relax. I'm the kind of driver that cant be rushed. My favorite saying from my dad on the subject is " just because its green doesn't mean you have to go". Awesome line. And describes my driving perfectly. So a mega douche is behind me going crazy on the horn. He's waving and yelling like a tough shot. Didn't make me want to hurry up. So I go he peels out behind me and then flicks me off as he goes by. Faggot. Now if I have some free time. I did. Don't piss me off. So I followed him. Changed lanes when he did, riding his bumper, etc. He's changing lanes trying to trick me and loose me. We finally end up in a neighbor hood, he's acting retarded. not a surprise. So finally I zoom past and yell " Fuck yourself Faggot" like any mature adult would and drive home. I realized that the type of people who get road rage are grade A pussies. So I call their bluff. Next time he'll chill the fuck out. Maybe he should take up smoking.
After I got home, I changed out of my shirt and tie. Collected my cheat sheet of who to vote for, and my great-grandmother to go vote. The polling place was packed. There were 5 workers there, me, great-granny, 3 fire trucks, maybe a dog. I know they use to have one anyway. I voted it was quick and easy and not at all satisfying. I didn't like the choices. I didn't feel good about America when I left. Hopefully the Great State will be alright. It normally is.
Tune in soon for
Election Results: Is the country Fucked?...Ill give you a hint the answer has three letters and you don't need to wait to know it
The night shift and me
Basic trading techniques to maximize the value of your portfolio in this economy
Work was work. Completed an ass load of boring training while getting to listen in on the juicer bits of the office politics. Every other sentence from the GM's mouth was fire them. An acceptable if definite means of solving problems in the office. Hey she was talking about another guy with the same job as me. If he gets fired more hours for me. Bit cut throat, but hey that's corporate America. All I have left is the actual accounting portion of it. I'm ready to get started for real not training. Training sucks and doesn't pay as well.
Worked about 5 hours got off about 2 pm. Was waiting to turn right from a side road onto the main thruway. Lots of traffic. Not to mention, I was ready to relax. I'm the kind of driver that cant be rushed. My favorite saying from my dad on the subject is " just because its green doesn't mean you have to go". Awesome line. And describes my driving perfectly. So a mega douche is behind me going crazy on the horn. He's waving and yelling like a tough shot. Didn't make me want to hurry up. So I go he peels out behind me and then flicks me off as he goes by. Faggot. Now if I have some free time. I did. Don't piss me off. So I followed him. Changed lanes when he did, riding his bumper, etc. He's changing lanes trying to trick me and loose me. We finally end up in a neighbor hood, he's acting retarded. not a surprise. So finally I zoom past and yell " Fuck yourself Faggot" like any mature adult would and drive home. I realized that the type of people who get road rage are grade A pussies. So I call their bluff. Next time he'll chill the fuck out. Maybe he should take up smoking.
After I got home, I changed out of my shirt and tie. Collected my cheat sheet of who to vote for, and my great-grandmother to go vote. The polling place was packed. There were 5 workers there, me, great-granny, 3 fire trucks, maybe a dog. I know they use to have one anyway. I voted it was quick and easy and not at all satisfying. I didn't like the choices. I didn't feel good about America when I left. Hopefully the Great State will be alright. It normally is.
Tune in soon for
Election Results: Is the country Fucked?...Ill give you a hint the answer has three letters and you don't need to wait to know it
The night shift and me
Basic trading techniques to maximize the value of your portfolio in this economy
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Life of the Party
Ahh the weekend. The god given days to rest in a bathrobe while accomplishing nothing. And if its a special weekend drink, be merry, and stick your D in some quality V. But alas this was not to be. Instead, I had a boring weekend with little to know excitement. Though I did have one of the best hookah smokes ever, so not a total loss. Most important thing that happened was textual messaging with kelli while she was drunk. Sad, I know. I walk a lonely path of my own making.
Things are settling into a familiar stride with kelli. Different in that I am careful not to say anything that would let her know I still love her but similar BS we've always had. I'd rather text her while she's hundreds of miles away then talk to my close friends. Not to mention doesn't help my need to get laid scenario. I suck at lying and girls aren't normally turned on by pillow talk that includes I'm in love with another girl. Luckily my hand works just fine and I have all the good sites bookmarked.
Friday night went over to a friends house for a "party". I use the term loosely since it consisted of 12 kids sitting around with their thumbs up their asses drinking shitty beer out of plastic cups. Not to mention my dumb ass bro tagged along. He's older and a jackass. Thinks he's cool, he's not, and he bitches the whole time about shitty my friends are.Though that doesn't stop him from searching them out on the weekend when he's home and bored.
watched the movie Just Friends today. Huge mistake since its a loosely based biography of me. I spent two hours hugging a pillow and smiling afterward. Nothing assured me that kelli will want me in the end like a cliche teen flick. Speaking of kelli. Just got an IM so I gotta go be all friendly and stuff.
Tune in soon for
The continuing adventures of the Night Shift
A trip to see kelli for better or worse...actually worse I already know
How to make gourmet meals for your family on a budget
Things are settling into a familiar stride with kelli. Different in that I am careful not to say anything that would let her know I still love her but similar BS we've always had. I'd rather text her while she's hundreds of miles away then talk to my close friends. Not to mention doesn't help my need to get laid scenario. I suck at lying and girls aren't normally turned on by pillow talk that includes I'm in love with another girl. Luckily my hand works just fine and I have all the good sites bookmarked.
Friday night went over to a friends house for a "party". I use the term loosely since it consisted of 12 kids sitting around with their thumbs up their asses drinking shitty beer out of plastic cups. Not to mention my dumb ass bro tagged along. He's older and a jackass. Thinks he's cool, he's not, and he bitches the whole time about shitty my friends are.Though that doesn't stop him from searching them out on the weekend when he's home and bored.
watched the movie Just Friends today. Huge mistake since its a loosely based biography of me. I spent two hours hugging a pillow and smiling afterward. Nothing assured me that kelli will want me in the end like a cliche teen flick. Speaking of kelli. Just got an IM so I gotta go be all friendly and stuff.
Tune in soon for
The continuing adventures of the Night Shift
A trip to see kelli for better or worse...actually worse I already know
How to make gourmet meals for your family on a budget
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Kelli Fix
Several days ago I pulled back from Kelli. I couldn't take it anymore. Her little games, the I love you one minute to I wish you'd leave the next. But I'm a bonified retard. I cant take not having her near me. So what did I do? I told her what she wanted hear in a realistic way. I said I still loved her but was capable of loving other girls. False. She still has my heart completly. I said I wanted to just be best friends yadda yadda yadda some bullshit yadda yadda. False. I want to marry her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want it all. I'm capable of pretending I don't though. And that's what I realized over the last week. I am capable of being dead on the inside. I can go thru all the motions of love easily. Just pretend the girl is kelli. Ill pretend she is most of the time. Live a boring, comfortable life while wishing things had turned out differently.
What I hope is that Kelli will fall for me. After all, I'm a nice guy, She has described me as the only guy that's been there for her 100% of the time etc etc. I want her to get fed up with douche bags and settle for me. I feel horrible saying it but its true. So now Ill go thru the motions with girls I'm friends with as if I love them. Ill die a little more on the inside each day, each month, each year as I go along. At least she'll be in my life even if it's only the shadow of what I want.
Tune in soon for
My attempts to settle for any old girl
The dramatic conclusion to roach hotel, well maybe not dramatic
Imaginative Halloween ideas that will make your house the spookiest on the block
What I hope is that Kelli will fall for me. After all, I'm a nice guy, She has described me as the only guy that's been there for her 100% of the time etc etc. I want her to get fed up with douche bags and settle for me. I feel horrible saying it but its true. So now Ill go thru the motions with girls I'm friends with as if I love them. Ill die a little more on the inside each day, each month, each year as I go along. At least she'll be in my life even if it's only the shadow of what I want.
Tune in soon for
My attempts to settle for any old girl
The dramatic conclusion to roach hotel, well maybe not dramatic
Imaginative Halloween ideas that will make your house the spookiest on the block
Does that tie come in a clip on?
Back to work today. Finished all the computer training to the surprise of management. Apparently retardation is standard issue and it normally wakes them weeks to complete the training. Took me less then a day. Soon Ill start full time and be rollin in the dough. Highlight of the day was meeting the soon to be counter part that will also due security. He worked in a prison for 30 odd years. First thing I heard him say, "does that tie come in a clip on?" He's anticipating scuffles that go all the way to choke holds of death. The GM looked a little perplexed, she thought he was joking. Gonna finish up at the roach villa tonight or tomorrow morning depending on my mood. Ill be done till the bug guy finishes after that.
While I was at work my phone went off several times. emails, unimportant and important calls, txt messages. One of them was from kelli. it was a simple " you okay?". After I got off I sent back Ive been better. I don't know what she thinks of me and this doesn't help. Half of me wants to forget her and the other half wants her to come running to me with open arms and a smile on her face. There was only a half hour of work left when I got the message so I didn't immediately get lost in my hopes dream and probable downfall. I waited till I was in the parking lot, sitting in the driver's seat, radio on low. Took 10 minutes to compose that simple reply. Thought about lying. Saying I was great, over her, ready to pick up where we left off. But I didn't, I hope I don't.
Fortunately, I finally though about another woman for the first time in a year and a half. I'm capable of saying that's a hot chick I should fuck her. But I have no desire to follow thru on it. To me, emotion and desire are locked together, inseparable in my mind and heart. SSo its a rare occasion when a girl pops into my mind that's not kelli. Its a close friend that I see every other day and crushed on all thru high school. It's tough. I think my brain is just filling her in every time I think about kelli to save my sanity, fool me into submission. I know its false or at least not a real love yet. After kelli messaged me my first impulse was to call her immediately. That's not the move of someone that's moved on.
I'm going to keep my options open. Maybe Ill find love maybe kelli will find me. maybe Ill get hit by a bus and this wont matter anymore.
Tune in soon for
Halloween Costumes..aka what slut did I convince to stand next to me so I look cool
Presidential Clothing: The move from unbuttoned shirt and khakis to the dark suit and power tie
Creative crafts to keep the kids busy and happy after school and on long car rides
While I was at work my phone went off several times. emails, unimportant and important calls, txt messages. One of them was from kelli. it was a simple " you okay?". After I got off I sent back Ive been better. I don't know what she thinks of me and this doesn't help. Half of me wants to forget her and the other half wants her to come running to me with open arms and a smile on her face. There was only a half hour of work left when I got the message so I didn't immediately get lost in my hopes dream and probable downfall. I waited till I was in the parking lot, sitting in the driver's seat, radio on low. Took 10 minutes to compose that simple reply. Thought about lying. Saying I was great, over her, ready to pick up where we left off. But I didn't, I hope I don't.
Fortunately, I finally though about another woman for the first time in a year and a half. I'm capable of saying that's a hot chick I should fuck her. But I have no desire to follow thru on it. To me, emotion and desire are locked together, inseparable in my mind and heart. SSo its a rare occasion when a girl pops into my mind that's not kelli. Its a close friend that I see every other day and crushed on all thru high school. It's tough. I think my brain is just filling her in every time I think about kelli to save my sanity, fool me into submission. I know its false or at least not a real love yet. After kelli messaged me my first impulse was to call her immediately. That's not the move of someone that's moved on.
I'm going to keep my options open. Maybe Ill find love maybe kelli will find me. maybe Ill get hit by a bus and this wont matter anymore.
Tune in soon for
Halloween Costumes..aka what slut did I convince to stand next to me so I look cool
Presidential Clothing: The move from unbuttoned shirt and khakis to the dark suit and power tie
Creative crafts to keep the kids busy and happy after school and on long car rides
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Roach Hotel
No work today. Ahhhh the joys of bumming around the house all day in a bathrobe. It would've been nice. Instead I set my alarm for 8 am this morning to work all day next door in roach city. Well more of casino. The place has food, sleeping accommodations, fun roach games but no major utilities so its unlikely they incorporated.
My grand-parents own several rental properties including a duplex with 2 2-bedroom apts. My great-grandmother lives in one and they rent the other to losers. And I mean losers. Sometimes I thing my grandparents are retarded. The latest assholes got kicked out after being 3 months behind on their rent and causing a roast infestation. No worries, the bug guy says its only like a 40% chance they'll have to rip out walls to get rid of the problem. They left furniture, clothes, food in the fridge, a treasure map to the rest of the rent money, and a stench. The stench is interesting in the fact that it lingers in your nostril memory and is impossible to describe without using the words ass and sweat.
So being a strapping young man possessing a brain. brawn and a smile to melt your heart I am flipping the apt. HGTV should come over. I'm not putting in decorative touches and new cabinets, though I might depending on the condition of the tops. Instead, I'm waste deep in trash and roaches. So me and another guy took everything to the dump including the carpet and occasional roach that just couldn't bare to see the shag go.
Now normally the dump is a mere 5 minute drive away. On Wednesday they close at noon, so we got a nice early start to be done in time. Cept for the fact the dump is closed all day not just half. So we had to go to the one across the county. This wouldn't normally bother me. I love my county. The landscape, old people in the yard, lack of northerners etc. But the new route to the new dump passed directly by kelli's house. I worked 8 hrs straight today hauling shit, literally shit. My only rests were on the 20 minute rides to the dump, which I spent in constant thought about kelli, and how big a retard I am. Shitty day. Little if any pay with the whole family bullshit. And to top it I've spent the day thinking about the one thing I want to get out of my mind.
Luckily, I dabble in medicine and know the cure for a shitty day. Vagina. delicious hot vagina. preferably from a young buxom lass. reminds me i need to call Cara. unfortunately for me, the one girl in the world I want I'm currently no talking to. So not even a whack off while we talk about our "days" to look forward to. Guess I'll have to go with the Jesus friendly cure ( Jesus hates using vagina to cure illness). Cigarette and a double shot of maker's.
Tune in soon for
My trip to vote early
My plan to rectify the "kelli situation"
A helpful list of things to do with VCR tapes other then watch them.
My grand-parents own several rental properties including a duplex with 2 2-bedroom apts. My great-grandmother lives in one and they rent the other to losers. And I mean losers. Sometimes I thing my grandparents are retarded. The latest assholes got kicked out after being 3 months behind on their rent and causing a roast infestation. No worries, the bug guy says its only like a 40% chance they'll have to rip out walls to get rid of the problem. They left furniture, clothes, food in the fridge, a treasure map to the rest of the rent money, and a stench. The stench is interesting in the fact that it lingers in your nostril memory and is impossible to describe without using the words ass and sweat.
So being a strapping young man possessing a brain. brawn and a smile to melt your heart I am flipping the apt. HGTV should come over. I'm not putting in decorative touches and new cabinets, though I might depending on the condition of the tops. Instead, I'm waste deep in trash and roaches. So me and another guy took everything to the dump including the carpet and occasional roach that just couldn't bare to see the shag go.
Now normally the dump is a mere 5 minute drive away. On Wednesday they close at noon, so we got a nice early start to be done in time. Cept for the fact the dump is closed all day not just half. So we had to go to the one across the county. This wouldn't normally bother me. I love my county. The landscape, old people in the yard, lack of northerners etc. But the new route to the new dump passed directly by kelli's house. I worked 8 hrs straight today hauling shit, literally shit. My only rests were on the 20 minute rides to the dump, which I spent in constant thought about kelli, and how big a retard I am. Shitty day. Little if any pay with the whole family bullshit. And to top it I've spent the day thinking about the one thing I want to get out of my mind.
Luckily, I dabble in medicine and know the cure for a shitty day. Vagina. delicious hot vagina. preferably from a young buxom lass. reminds me i need to call Cara. unfortunately for me, the one girl in the world I want I'm currently no talking to. So not even a whack off while we talk about our "days" to look forward to. Guess I'll have to go with the Jesus friendly cure ( Jesus hates using vagina to cure illness). Cigarette and a double shot of maker's.
Tune in soon for
My trip to vote early
My plan to rectify the "kelli situation"
A helpful list of things to do with VCR tapes other then watch them.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Slightly younger then me woman and the Sea
So I'll start off with the weekly update. I know theres been a new one everyday but this is how I work thru it so sit still and ill skip in the future or die which will end the blog since I'm unrelated to tupac. Work again today. Spent three hrs going thru computer program as the training mechanism. Click here to do this yadda yadda yadda. Nothing notable happened cept for the first lesson was on mouse use. This is retarded since you have to ise the mouse to open the program. Now you might thing to yourself not that big a deal. You had to advance thru the first 5 stages by pushing a key until the program taught you how to push the fuckin mouse buttons. My favorite was the double click demo with a self-esteem booster attached telling me not to be disappointed if I didn't get it on my first try. Had a lovely walk afterwards and a delicious lunch of microwave cheese quessadilla around 2. All in all a magical day.
So me and kelli were best friends. We saw each other every day and stayed up late together. I told her when I had problems, she told me when she had problems. I thought of her family as my family. In fact, I almost had to go gangsta on some asswipe who was drunk for the first time ever talking about fucking her little sister at a party not to long ago. She's 14 for gods sake i don't care if he's only 15. Fuck him.
Meanwhile I had graduated and was preparing to go to college in NY at RPI. It was a pricey school, 50 g s a year or so. But no worries, Uncle Sam had my back. I had a full NROTC scholarship to pay for it all. I left with tearful goodbyes especially from kelli. She wrote me a letter, Ill still have it to read while I cry and hug my pillow actually, which I opened on the plane. My college career started with mini boot camp. One of the guys running it use to yell constantly and he would always tell us our girlfriends were in someone else's arms already. I didn't have one, never had but kelli always sprang to mind when he said that. And I'd be gone for moment thinking about her. School stared after normal college life plus 5 am wake ups for PT and oh yeah the navy owned me as we use to say jokingly.
Then one night I had a dream about me and kelli sleeping together. Not a sex dream, though I have had some good ones and weird ones. My favorite is about me banging this hot chick I use to work with. Best part she's on all four doggy style. Still wearing her pants. Not pulled down, no holes, It was a miracle of sex and physics. I think it was her phenomenal ass, i mean one of the ones you just want to put your face in, that i had only seen in her tight little pants so my brain couldn't or wouldn't remove it for sex. All we did in this dream was lay in bed and spoon. I remember the ghost like warmth still in my arms when I awoke. That feeling still haunts me today. I knew I loved her. Not like. Not crushing. Not thinking about it cause were both cool people that get along. none of that bullshit. Love. I loved her. I love her still.
So I did what any rational red blooded American man does. Keep it to myself and keep looking around. I was in NY over 700 miles away. Not to mention the friendship I might lose. Then i went to her best friend and told her. She said go for it. Everyone said it was better to tell someone then always wonder. fuckin liars. wished i didn't. She was nice told me she didn't feel the same way blah blah distance doesn't work blah blah lets be friends blah blah.
Now kelli's mom works for an airline and as such she flies for free. So when I needed a date for a military ball, I invited kelli despite the distance. She came and we went together. During dinner she slowly slid her foot up the inside of my leg while staring deep into my eyes with a mischievous smile on her face. After dinner, we hit the dance floor and she stood in my arms puling me into her and laid her head on my shoulder. After the dance we went back to my dorm room. My roommate had a hotel room so we were all alone. I changed out of uniform and laid down on my bed. She slowly undid the back of her dress and slid it to the floor. She wasn't wearing underwear within a minute neither was I. It'd be awesome if that had happened but not with her. lets back up. I laid down on the bed. She sat at the computer desk and played with her myspace updating her profile picture. We didn't really talk at all. Then I drove her to her aunt's house where she was staying. She asked me why I couldn't find a girl. " Cause every girl I see I wish was you" I replied slowly, evenly with a trace of depression. She got out of the car, hugged me goodbye no kiss on the cheek to take me home, and went inside. I drove off to drink myself happy. on campus not in the car for all those reaching for 911 right now.
That basically sums up my friendship with kelli. She teases me about loving her one minute and the next leaves me a message telling me how wonderful I am. If she's scared she'll grab my arm in the dark knowing I would do anything for her. At her house watching a movie, She'll pull back to be sure we don't accidentally touch. Then fall asleep leaving me to sleep quietly into the night.
At the beginning of this year. I decided to drop NROTC. I wish I had a story that would make everything clear. I simply realized that I want to teach and didn't want to be in the navy. I was worried about my home life and how my kids would grow up with a part time father. Teaching stood in the distance as the right thing. Of course, The navy doesn't pay for school when you quit their program so I was forced to drop out. The night I found out I could afford school I called kelli. She didn't understand. She called me failure told me I was stupid and then hung up on me. I rolled over and wept. I had been stone faced telling friends, teachers, family, everyone that i was leaving school. She alone could strike me to the core.
2 months later she came home from her first year at college for fall break. We had a normal movie night, with popcorn and me hosting her in her own home. I left her house about 2 am and drove home trying to savour every last moment of the evening. The following night was homecoming, we went to a party afterwards. I drove her home cause her ride got drunk. She told me to stop liking her. Said I was no good for her. I told her there were 2 ways. Find another girl or delete her out of my life. I didn't want to do either. She didn't even give me a hug when she got out of the car. I had to stop on the ride home so to compose myself before finishing the short drive. A few days later she went back to school. I left her a message that said I miss you..2 months. Because it will most likely be that long before we see each other again. She started an argument over people might think we were dating. They don't and why care about something so small. She wanted me to stop liking her. I said ok. Deleted her off my computer, email, facebook, myspace, photos. Then erased her contact info from my phone. Finally I sent her an email saying how I felt. I said Id call her when I was ready. a month. a year. i don't know. That was two days ago. My heart has lived two eternities.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a close friend. She asked me what if friday was the last time I'd ever see kelli. what would I have done differently. Now I'm scared. what if that is the last time. what if kelli is done with me on all levels. what if Ive made the biggest mistake of my life.
Tune in soon for
My life, as it falls back into place or unravels altogether...I'm hopin for the former
My thoughts on the election and how I decide who to vote for
Neat ideas on how to spruce up your cubicle in the office
So me and kelli were best friends. We saw each other every day and stayed up late together. I told her when I had problems, she told me when she had problems. I thought of her family as my family. In fact, I almost had to go gangsta on some asswipe who was drunk for the first time ever talking about fucking her little sister at a party not to long ago. She's 14 for gods sake i don't care if he's only 15. Fuck him.
Meanwhile I had graduated and was preparing to go to college in NY at RPI. It was a pricey school, 50 g s a year or so. But no worries, Uncle Sam had my back. I had a full NROTC scholarship to pay for it all. I left with tearful goodbyes especially from kelli. She wrote me a letter, Ill still have it to read while I cry and hug my pillow actually, which I opened on the plane. My college career started with mini boot camp. One of the guys running it use to yell constantly and he would always tell us our girlfriends were in someone else's arms already. I didn't have one, never had but kelli always sprang to mind when he said that. And I'd be gone for moment thinking about her. School stared after normal college life plus 5 am wake ups for PT and oh yeah the navy owned me as we use to say jokingly.
Then one night I had a dream about me and kelli sleeping together. Not a sex dream, though I have had some good ones and weird ones. My favorite is about me banging this hot chick I use to work with. Best part she's on all four doggy style. Still wearing her pants. Not pulled down, no holes, It was a miracle of sex and physics. I think it was her phenomenal ass, i mean one of the ones you just want to put your face in, that i had only seen in her tight little pants so my brain couldn't or wouldn't remove it for sex. All we did in this dream was lay in bed and spoon. I remember the ghost like warmth still in my arms when I awoke. That feeling still haunts me today. I knew I loved her. Not like. Not crushing. Not thinking about it cause were both cool people that get along. none of that bullshit. Love. I loved her. I love her still.
So I did what any rational red blooded American man does. Keep it to myself and keep looking around. I was in NY over 700 miles away. Not to mention the friendship I might lose. Then i went to her best friend and told her. She said go for it. Everyone said it was better to tell someone then always wonder. fuckin liars. wished i didn't. She was nice told me she didn't feel the same way blah blah distance doesn't work blah blah lets be friends blah blah.
Now kelli's mom works for an airline and as such she flies for free. So when I needed a date for a military ball, I invited kelli despite the distance. She came and we went together. During dinner she slowly slid her foot up the inside of my leg while staring deep into my eyes with a mischievous smile on her face. After dinner, we hit the dance floor and she stood in my arms puling me into her and laid her head on my shoulder. After the dance we went back to my dorm room. My roommate had a hotel room so we were all alone. I changed out of uniform and laid down on my bed. She slowly undid the back of her dress and slid it to the floor. She wasn't wearing underwear within a minute neither was I. It'd be awesome if that had happened but not with her. lets back up. I laid down on the bed. She sat at the computer desk and played with her myspace updating her profile picture. We didn't really talk at all. Then I drove her to her aunt's house where she was staying. She asked me why I couldn't find a girl. " Cause every girl I see I wish was you" I replied slowly, evenly with a trace of depression. She got out of the car, hugged me goodbye no kiss on the cheek to take me home, and went inside. I drove off to drink myself happy. on campus not in the car for all those reaching for 911 right now.
That basically sums up my friendship with kelli. She teases me about loving her one minute and the next leaves me a message telling me how wonderful I am. If she's scared she'll grab my arm in the dark knowing I would do anything for her. At her house watching a movie, She'll pull back to be sure we don't accidentally touch. Then fall asleep leaving me to sleep quietly into the night.
At the beginning of this year. I decided to drop NROTC. I wish I had a story that would make everything clear. I simply realized that I want to teach and didn't want to be in the navy. I was worried about my home life and how my kids would grow up with a part time father. Teaching stood in the distance as the right thing. Of course, The navy doesn't pay for school when you quit their program so I was forced to drop out. The night I found out I could afford school I called kelli. She didn't understand. She called me failure told me I was stupid and then hung up on me. I rolled over and wept. I had been stone faced telling friends, teachers, family, everyone that i was leaving school. She alone could strike me to the core.
2 months later she came home from her first year at college for fall break. We had a normal movie night, with popcorn and me hosting her in her own home. I left her house about 2 am and drove home trying to savour every last moment of the evening. The following night was homecoming, we went to a party afterwards. I drove her home cause her ride got drunk. She told me to stop liking her. Said I was no good for her. I told her there were 2 ways. Find another girl or delete her out of my life. I didn't want to do either. She didn't even give me a hug when she got out of the car. I had to stop on the ride home so to compose myself before finishing the short drive. A few days later she went back to school. I left her a message that said I miss you..2 months. Because it will most likely be that long before we see each other again. She started an argument over people might think we were dating. They don't and why care about something so small. She wanted me to stop liking her. I said ok. Deleted her off my computer, email, facebook, myspace, photos. Then erased her contact info from my phone. Finally I sent her an email saying how I felt. I said Id call her when I was ready. a month. a year. i don't know. That was two days ago. My heart has lived two eternities.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a close friend. She asked me what if friday was the last time I'd ever see kelli. what would I have done differently. Now I'm scared. what if that is the last time. what if kelli is done with me on all levels. what if Ive made the biggest mistake of my life.
Tune in soon for
My life, as it falls back into place or unravels altogether...I'm hopin for the former
My thoughts on the election and how I decide who to vote for
Neat ideas on how to spruce up your cubicle in the office
Monday, October 20, 2008
Back to the salt mines
Started work again today. Working nights as a Night Auditor. Kinda Redundant I know but hey jobs a job. Went in at 1 got paid till 3 but was out by 2. Took the tour got the insider info, mainly where the employees should go for number two's and how to sneak a Starbucks card out of the front desk so that you can flash at your friends to justify paying 4.50 for a hot glass of milk with beans in it. Biggest complaint with the job is the uniform. Black pants, Plaid Shirt, Printed Tie. For some reason, lookin stylish as a non-managerial position is not desirable. The management wears normals shirts and ties but not the common man. 10 bucks an hr training though so I cant complain.
Now currently the biggest worry is transportation. I don't own a car and am dependant on the kindness and more importantly lack of a social life of people around me, My parents get a date night and I cant use the car to get to work at 11 pm. Help is on the way. Barack has agreed to give every working American white male that was born in September and leaves in my house a free car so they can get to work or at least that's what sally from the local college said when she called to get me to vote. better then Mary-Ann who hung up after I simply asked how far she was willing to go to get that vote. My uncle has a 94 Buick regal I can get my hands on which is convenient since it use to be mine and the car has a history with me. And more closely related to this narrative, a history with kelli.
The car was originally my aforementioned uncles until he sold it to my dad for the princely sum of 400 American in 2003 for my sister to drive the 5 hrs over the bridge and thru the woods to college. She did so until Dec 2006 when she dropped out for unknown reasons. Seriously Ive never met Mr. Daniel's personally though I'm kinda close to his middle son jack. I without a whip so it became mine for the time. After the summer it was resold to my uncle for his oldest daughter to drive upon her fast approaching 16th birthday. Luckily she hates the cars more lovable character traits. women...They just don't understand the bond between man and machine.
Whats the main event of Senior year? For me it was making an excuse to poke a girl in the boobs at a party which turned into a straight up feel up. mmmm boobies. until prom night that is. I needed a date and wasn't exactly the best man with the ladies. Kelli was a friendly friend and more importantly willing to say yes which she did. Even going so far as to promise a BJ in my yearbook. The big night arrived and we went. She looked lovely, in fact I don't know of any night she looked hotter. Well technically not true, there is the locked album of scankerrific photos she left up one time, but you know. Dinner was ocean front. She passed me her bra under the table midway thru the appetizers. Those things are itchy so it wasn't the green light to meet in the bathroom but still a good sign. We arrived fashionably late to the dance portion. 3 full minutes after the door opened. We danced, took pictures, drank non-spiked punch and pretended we could taste the bitterness of purloined alcohol that some well wisher surly would have put in it. Afterwards we went to the beach with friends and made out under the stars after they had all left. I consider that the best night of my life in retrospect. After all what more could a man want? A beautiful girl in his arms and sea spread before under a full moon. Afterward we went to a party, which I left her at in order to make curfew by 4 am.
As I was leaving the party, She asked me what the night had meant. You know are we still just friends or is this the start of something more. I walked back upstairs to where she stood, put my arms around her and just before our lips met said " Its something more I'm sure of it". Turns out it wasn't. Monday we went to the movies and we were back to being friends but way more then friends. we were besties that could depend on each other for anything.
The car matters because every time I settle into the drivers seat i think back to the smile on my face as I drove home after that brief moment of pure happiness. Hopefully, The feelings will still be there if i get the car back. If you cant have the girls of your dreams ten do everything possible to dream. And oh yeah I can not be a bum borrowing my parents car and be independent and not be as big a loser. The end.
Now the first question you must have is what could the problem possibly be. I have a lifelong friend who lets me play with her fun parts occasionally and nice little story to tell about my senior prom. The problem would come letter courtesy of the baddest mother fucker Ive ever met...Uncle Sam. He would lay the foundation of my downfall with a simple cliche line and may be responsible for my fall from glory in some small way.
But Ive got a pack of cigarettes that wont smoke itself, a bottle of scotch that wont drink itself, and a hand that wont fuck itself. So i gotta bounce for now to handle these less urgent but still pressing problems.
Tune in soon for
How kelli became the love of my life
A small update on my current life and maybe a political rant so ill pop up on google when they search blog sites for dumb ass thoughts to show the thoughts of the common man
Tips on keeping your garden looking fresh thru the winter months ahead
Now currently the biggest worry is transportation. I don't own a car and am dependant on the kindness and more importantly lack of a social life of people around me, My parents get a date night and I cant use the car to get to work at 11 pm. Help is on the way. Barack has agreed to give every working American white male that was born in September and leaves in my house a free car so they can get to work or at least that's what sally from the local college said when she called to get me to vote. better then Mary-Ann who hung up after I simply asked how far she was willing to go to get that vote. My uncle has a 94 Buick regal I can get my hands on which is convenient since it use to be mine and the car has a history with me. And more closely related to this narrative, a history with kelli.
The car was originally my aforementioned uncles until he sold it to my dad for the princely sum of 400 American in 2003 for my sister to drive the 5 hrs over the bridge and thru the woods to college. She did so until Dec 2006 when she dropped out for unknown reasons. Seriously Ive never met Mr. Daniel's personally though I'm kinda close to his middle son jack. I without a whip so it became mine for the time. After the summer it was resold to my uncle for his oldest daughter to drive upon her fast approaching 16th birthday. Luckily she hates the cars more lovable character traits. women...They just don't understand the bond between man and machine.
Whats the main event of Senior year? For me it was making an excuse to poke a girl in the boobs at a party which turned into a straight up feel up. mmmm boobies. until prom night that is. I needed a date and wasn't exactly the best man with the ladies. Kelli was a friendly friend and more importantly willing to say yes which she did. Even going so far as to promise a BJ in my yearbook. The big night arrived and we went. She looked lovely, in fact I don't know of any night she looked hotter. Well technically not true, there is the locked album of scankerrific photos she left up one time, but you know. Dinner was ocean front. She passed me her bra under the table midway thru the appetizers. Those things are itchy so it wasn't the green light to meet in the bathroom but still a good sign. We arrived fashionably late to the dance portion. 3 full minutes after the door opened. We danced, took pictures, drank non-spiked punch and pretended we could taste the bitterness of purloined alcohol that some well wisher surly would have put in it. Afterwards we went to the beach with friends and made out under the stars after they had all left. I consider that the best night of my life in retrospect. After all what more could a man want? A beautiful girl in his arms and sea spread before under a full moon. Afterward we went to a party, which I left her at in order to make curfew by 4 am.
As I was leaving the party, She asked me what the night had meant. You know are we still just friends or is this the start of something more. I walked back upstairs to where she stood, put my arms around her and just before our lips met said " Its something more I'm sure of it". Turns out it wasn't. Monday we went to the movies and we were back to being friends but way more then friends. we were besties that could depend on each other for anything.
The car matters because every time I settle into the drivers seat i think back to the smile on my face as I drove home after that brief moment of pure happiness. Hopefully, The feelings will still be there if i get the car back. If you cant have the girls of your dreams ten do everything possible to dream. And oh yeah I can not be a bum borrowing my parents car and be independent and not be as big a loser. The end.
Now the first question you must have is what could the problem possibly be. I have a lifelong friend who lets me play with her fun parts occasionally and nice little story to tell about my senior prom. The problem would come letter courtesy of the baddest mother fucker Ive ever met...Uncle Sam. He would lay the foundation of my downfall with a simple cliche line and may be responsible for my fall from glory in some small way.
But Ive got a pack of cigarettes that wont smoke itself, a bottle of scotch that wont drink itself, and a hand that wont fuck itself. So i gotta bounce for now to handle these less urgent but still pressing problems.
Tune in soon for
How kelli became the love of my life
A small update on my current life and maybe a political rant so ill pop up on google when they search blog sites for dumb ass thoughts to show the thoughts of the common man
Tips on keeping your garden looking fresh thru the winter months ahead
Sunday, October 19, 2008
In the Begining
So basically, I'm the world's smartest idiot, tallest midget, and skinniest fat guy.
A year ago my life made sense and read like a cheesy poster from the 50's with me as the chump grinning as he captured the American dream. I was a straight a student going to a private school for nuclear engineering. I was going to be a naval officer and defend freedom from sea to shining sea or something like that.
Today, I'm sitting in my underwear as a college drop out trying to scrape up cash to fund the essentials ( cigarettes, maker's, and gas). No clue what I'm gonna to do anymore or more importantly how to get from point A to point B without getting fucked like a french whore on payday in the process.
But, I'm little to far ahead. More important then what i use to do or the intimate details of my sweet scantily clad unemployed ass is what lies at the root. And the root is the same from Troy to the Great State of North Carolina is of course a girl. Now this leads to two key points. Actually three cause I want a sentence with all three versions of to ( two and too for the illiterate) in a row. Ill keep working on it. Number 1.) I love North Carolina and will not take any affront against her. Number 2.) When I said from troy to the great state i meant troy with homer and the blond hoe yadda yadda yadda but i also meant Troy, NY where I went to school at Rensselaer.
This girl was not particularly special. Pretty but not mind-blowingly. Smart but no Einstein. Funny but not a comedian. Throw on to the top of this slightly loose morals and you have the girl I was looking for. I'll call her kelli. There's a book of rules for man and one of them claims that the best blind dates are with girls named kelli and the actual name so its fitting in a small way. We met in high school. I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. And for some reason she developed a small literal school girl crush on me. What I fell to include is that I am socially retarded. When a similar retarded friend made a joke about me liking her, which I did, I did the natural seven year old thing and responded with a triple cootie shot. So nothing came of it. She moved on and I though nothing of it. We were friends but not close and certainly not worthy of a top friend slot on myspace. Alas the days when facebook actually only had college girls who didn't lie about their age cause they were already 18.
And so we continued till my senior year.
Tune in soon for
More stories of "kelli" and how she plays into whatever else I say
The move from unemployed to gainfully employed
And if there's time a delightful recipe that is sure to please your dinner guests
A year ago my life made sense and read like a cheesy poster from the 50's with me as the chump grinning as he captured the American dream. I was a straight a student going to a private school for nuclear engineering. I was going to be a naval officer and defend freedom from sea to shining sea or something like that.
Today, I'm sitting in my underwear as a college drop out trying to scrape up cash to fund the essentials ( cigarettes, maker's, and gas). No clue what I'm gonna to do anymore or more importantly how to get from point A to point B without getting fucked like a french whore on payday in the process.
But, I'm little to far ahead. More important then what i use to do or the intimate details of my sweet scantily clad unemployed ass is what lies at the root. And the root is the same from Troy to the Great State of North Carolina is of course a girl. Now this leads to two key points. Actually three cause I want a sentence with all three versions of to ( two and too for the illiterate) in a row. Ill keep working on it. Number 1.) I love North Carolina and will not take any affront against her. Number 2.) When I said from troy to the great state i meant troy with homer and the blond hoe yadda yadda yadda but i also meant Troy, NY where I went to school at Rensselaer.
This girl was not particularly special. Pretty but not mind-blowingly. Smart but no Einstein. Funny but not a comedian. Throw on to the top of this slightly loose morals and you have the girl I was looking for. I'll call her kelli. There's a book of rules for man and one of them claims that the best blind dates are with girls named kelli and the actual name so its fitting in a small way. We met in high school. I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. And for some reason she developed a small literal school girl crush on me. What I fell to include is that I am socially retarded. When a similar retarded friend made a joke about me liking her, which I did, I did the natural seven year old thing and responded with a triple cootie shot. So nothing came of it. She moved on and I though nothing of it. We were friends but not close and certainly not worthy of a top friend slot on myspace. Alas the days when facebook actually only had college girls who didn't lie about their age cause they were already 18.
And so we continued till my senior year.
Tune in soon for
More stories of "kelli" and how she plays into whatever else I say
The move from unemployed to gainfully employed
And if there's time a delightful recipe that is sure to please your dinner guests
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