In the Begining

So basically, I'm the world's smartest idiot, tallest midget, and skinniest fat guy.

A year ago my life made sense and read like a cheesy poster from the 50's with me as the chump grinning as he captured the American dream. I was a straight a student going to a private school for nuclear engineering. I was going to be a naval officer and defend freedom from sea to shining sea or something like that.

Today, I'm sitting in my underwear as a college drop out trying to scrape up cash to fund the essentials ( cigarettes, maker's, and gas). No clue what I'm gonna to do anymore or more importantly how to get from point A to point B without getting fucked like a french whore on payday in the process.

But, I'm little to far ahead. More important then what i use to do or the intimate details of my sweet scantily clad unemployed ass is what lies at the root. And the root is the same from Troy to the Great State of North Carolina is of course a girl. Now this leads to two key points. Actually three cause I want a sentence with all three versions of to ( two and too for the illiterate) in a row. Ill keep working on it. Number 1.) I love North Carolina and will not take any affront against her. Number 2.) When I said from troy to the great state i meant troy with homer and the blond hoe yadda yadda yadda but i also meant Troy, NY where I went to school at Rensselaer.

This girl was not particularly special. Pretty but not mind-blowingly. Smart but no Einstein. Funny but not a comedian. Throw on to the top of this slightly loose morals and you have the girl I was looking for. I'll call her kelli. There's a book of rules for man and one of them claims that the best blind dates are with girls named kelli and the actual name so its fitting in a small way. We met in high school. I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. And for some reason she developed a small literal school girl crush on me. What I fell to include is that I am socially retarded. When a similar retarded friend made a joke about me liking her, which I did, I did the natural seven year old thing and responded with a triple cootie shot. So nothing came of it. She moved on and I though nothing of it. We were friends but not close and certainly not worthy of a top friend slot on myspace. Alas the days when facebook actually only had college girls who didn't lie about their age cause they were already 18.

And so we continued till my senior year.

Tune in soon for

More stories of "kelli" and how she plays into whatever else I say

The move from unemployed to gainfully employed

And if there's time a delightful recipe that is sure to please your dinner guests