Several days ago I pulled back from Kelli. I couldn't take it anymore. Her little games, the I love you one minute to I wish you'd leave the next. But I'm a bonified retard. I cant take not having her near me. So what did I do? I told her what she wanted hear in a realistic way. I said I still loved her but was capable of loving other girls. False. She still has my heart completly. I said I wanted to just be best friends yadda yadda yadda some bullshit yadda yadda. False. I want to marry her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want it all. I'm capable of pretending I don't though. And that's what I realized over the last week. I am capable of being dead on the inside. I can go thru all the motions of love easily. Just pretend the girl is kelli. Ill pretend she is most of the time. Live a boring, comfortable life while wishing things had turned out differently.
What I hope is that Kelli will fall for me. After all, I'm a nice guy, She has described me as the only guy that's been there for her 100% of the time etc etc. I want her to get fed up with douche bags and settle for me. I feel horrible saying it but its true. So now Ill go thru the motions with girls I'm friends with as if I love them. Ill die a little more on the inside each day, each month, each year as I go along. At least she'll be in my life even if it's only the shadow of what I want.
Tune in soon for
My attempts to settle for any old girl
The dramatic conclusion to roach hotel, well maybe not dramatic
Imaginative Halloween ideas that will make your house the spookiest on the block
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