Merry Fuckin' Christmas

I hate the holidays. All of them. Christmas is at the top of my list currently. Mainly Cause I just went thru more bullshit then a cowboy on the way to market. I worked almost up to the day and even on Christmas day. Some times were enjoyable, most were not.

Monday, I spent the day with kelli. It was magical. We hung out for no apparent reason again. I think she might not have been able to go anywhere or something. idk. We played games together, talked, watched TV and even enjoyed a family dinner with her grandparents. She was close to me, no weirdness. It actually felt like she loved me. I'm half convinced she is and doesn't want to admit. But I know that's not true. Anyway. Monday was good.

Tuesday, was Girls Next Door Xmas. Another wonderful event. Me and three hotties. The waitress at outback called me lucky. Dinner was good then we did presents. I got booze books and porn. As well as nice grab at a pair of titties. They felt wonderful. New years we're all going to a club and I'll get to grind it up. Tuesday was good.

Now onto Christmas Eve, I worked Tuesday night and got off at 7 am. Things started well. I went to my Uncle's for breakfast and to drop off some crab meat. Then to g-ma's for lunch and presents. Lunch sucked no good food. Then to top things off they decided no presents that day. I knew i was working and couldn't make it. I kept quiet though since my mom was already in a super bitchy mood. She creates all the drama in the holidays. Then we went to my other g-ma's. This is the side I like. Dinner was good, finished with baked Alaskan. If you haven't had it, it's like an edible wet dream. Once again presents were delayed, this time to the following morning when I already had a previous brunch engagement. The back home. Step dad and mom still pissed and determined to make Christmas special. They failed.

Christmas Day, Brunch at my step dad's mother's house. It was excellent. Relaxed. Good food. Kelli called me. I was so excited. We chatted for like 15 minutes. I think she misses me. Then I went to other g-ma's for presents. mom calls while I'm there to cause more shit with timing. Luckily I had work. Worked 3-11 bored outta my mind. Worst Christmas ever. Monday was the highlight downhill from there.

Tune in soon for:

New Year means New drunken festivities

Me and Kelli reunited, since she's in love with me and all now.

10 easy to keep resolutions that will change your life.

Night Cutie. I'm drunk

Bored. My sleep schedule is completely fucked up. I stay up half the night. Sleep sometimes. Sucks. I need a set schedule. This random days thing isn't working. Finished all my Xmas shopping technically. Two are still in the mail and may or may not come before Xmas. And my brother is getting a nose ring or something that he picks out. My friend Lesie met me just afterward for dinner. We chatted. She didn't get mad me like she normally does. I make sex jokes, she takes them seriously unfortunately. We had Mexican food, then went back to her place. I wrapped my presents, we watched Santa Claus 2. Maybe I'll end up married to her and that will be every Christmas.

Friday afternoon, Kelli invited me to hang out. Odd. She normally doesn't normally initiate contact like that without a benefit for her. She'll call me if she needs a ride to town or a dog sitter. Or a free dinner and trip to the movies. I just came and hung at her house. She was just sleepy. Lounging around. We watched TV and talked nothing major. A very comfy feel. She gave me the look again. I'm confused. She always tells me nothing will ever happen or when she says something she immediately clarifies how it doesn't mean what I think it should. She gets more confusing everyday.

Tonight, I went over to my Uncle's for dinner. I took them a duck and my Thai aunt cooked it for me. I love going over there. They seem like the realest family possible. Happy house. Problems are things like my 16 yr old cousin maybe having a boyfriend or the 4 yr old throwing pillows. The food was delicious. There was duck, beef, and curry chicken. Watched part of an old movie together. Good times.

Just went home afterward. I kinda felt like doing something but not really. Chilled, watched a movie. Texted kelli. Dumb I know. She was hanging out with a couple guys from HS and cara. The guy are nerdy. She had no interest. Were talking. She tells me she wants to make out with someone. I joke there are plenty of guys there not to mention the voluptuous cara. Kelli has no problem with girls. She's done more with more girls than me. Cara had left and she doesn't like the guys. I sent her a goodnight beautiful text like i do fairly often. I never get a response unless she's drunk normally. She sends back. Night cutie. I'm drunk. That's odd. She isn't that drunk or she wouldn't have added that. I don't want to see to much into it. If I do and I broach the topic regardless of the scenario she'll pull back. I hate it when she decides to make me stop loving her by not talking to me or anything. So, instead I just sit with my thoughts trying to make sense of the world she creates around me.

Tune in soon for:

Christmas is like thanksgiving as in there'll be a family shit show

Girls Next Door Xmas Night

Fun twists to make your gifts stand out under the tree

The look in her eyes

Couple of days off work. Nothing exciting happening. I sleep a lot. Avoid my family. Plan to take over the world. Normal everyday stuff really. Most interesting thing I found out is that Santa Claus Live in Finland. That's right. Fuckin' Finland. At the base of a mountain called Korvatunturi in the arctic circle. I know. I've been led to believe my entire life he lived in the north pole but he doesn't. Finnish people hate the Christmas season because every time they try to correct this geographical misnomer people don't believe them and get downright nasty about it. I've had that experience with everyone I've tried to tell.

Kelli is back in town. Me and her got dinner last night. Applebee's. She paid. A possible first. I'm broke till payday and she offered. Plus she needed a ride into town. The reason she needed that ride into town was to go to a friend of mine's party. So, after dinner me and kelli met cara at the coffee shop she's a barista at and then went to cara's house to get ready. Where apparently being a nice guy is odd in this day age. Cara took a shower, walks back into the room to grab her underwear in only a towel. I looked away to be polite. Cara is cute. Extremely fuckable. Hell, I've whacked it to her. Kidding. Then I looked away again when she came back in just underwear. Kelli informed me I should be looking. Cara said she didn't care. look. I'm like I don't want to. Then they preceded to start drinking and have lovely conversation about how horny they are. wondefuckinful. I wasn't drinking since I was their ride.

Got to the party it was ok. Chatted with two extremely drunk guys. Then played a drinking game. I had a plain glass of lemonade. They didn't realize so I looked like the manliest man this side of the governator. Basically just chillin. kelli gave me a couple interesting looks. The type that mean lets get outta her alone. But I know better then to take her seriously. Then the cops showed up. No biggie for me. I'm under 21 and I hadn't been drinking. Can't get busted for supplying or for underage drinking. Everyone had to leave and they poured out the beers. No real trouble for anybody. Pulled kelli out of the closet she hid in. Left with her cara and the HS flame. Dropped them all at cara's house. Where they decided it'd be a good idea to go to another party. This pissed me off because one they'd been drinking. i don't believe in the I'm fine game. No alcohol period. Not to mention they had just gotten let off easy by the 5-0. I told them that it was a bad idea. Today I get an im from kelli. She broke her phone in the drunken reveille. I felt vindicated. If she hadn't gone the phone wouldn't be broken.

Tune in soon for:

Kelli, what else do I ever focus on

The night before Christmas and the inevitable shit show

10 quick fun treats for a holiday party

We'll finish the night with drinking,..um dancing and drinking

Same shit different day might as well be the motto of my life. Christmas bullshit is bearing down on me hard. Presents. Family. Bull Fuckin' Shit. Mom is freaking out over money and empty tree. She always does. Apparently if there isn't X amount of dollars worth of Christmas shit under the tree it doesn't count and Jesus gets mad. wonder if he's pissed at the shitty birthday presents he gets seeing as he was born on Xmas and all. I getting everyone stupid stuff. Mostly dinner gift cards especially if I have a friend that can hook me up with some free ones.

Sunday was a long shitty day. I worked all night Saturday and got off 7 am sunday morning. I had to drive hour and a half to pick up my sister. I only did it cause kelli was suppose to be there too. But I left about 9 am so no sleep. Ride was pleasant on the way. Thru the backwoods where I live. Pleasant no major highways. Beautiful North Carolina countryside. Sister is retarded and annoying so not as nice a ride back.

Got a 2 hour nap before heading to my work Xmas party. It was a suck fest. Bad food. Mediocre prizes. Etc etc. I took my old HS flame. She looked good not amazing. I won a Victoria secret gift card which I gave her and a trip to a spa. She wants the spa trip and the way I'm feeling towards kelli at this exact moment she'll probably get it. Afterwards we went to a few places then back to her Apt. She started an awkward conversation though after we left. She wanted to know what guys thought of her sexually. I didn't know how to answer. To be perfectly honest guys don't. At least not desirable ones. Losers like me do but we don't count. I told her this was the moment in the evening that would be marked as the turndown. At her place coupla guys came to hang. All dudes of course. Boring basically. went home and went to sleep.

Texted kelli alot today. She's back home for Xmas. Asked me if I wanted to get dinner tomorrow night. I was like hell yeah. I asked what she wanted to do. Her response " I dunno but I need to get dropped at cara's after" aka she needs a ride to town. At the end of the conversation I called her on it. " would you have asked me to dinner if you didn't need a ride to dinner?". She just said she could find another ride. Then she goes on to make fun of me online later. I wish I didn't love her. She's done nothing for me. I'm her back-up the fail safe. She's my everything.

Tune in soon for:

Christmas, not all it's cracked up to be

Me, kelli, and the bottle make two tonight, kelli would ditch.

Holiday treats for those extra special nights

Gifts

Last coupla days haven't been the best. I've barely spoke to kelli at all until today. Two text message conversations. I know it's wonderful. She told me yesterday that the reason she hasn't been talking to me is to " distance" herself from me. Thanks for the heads up though she didn't see the need to include an explanation. Best part, she still comments me online with cutsie things and even sends me a picture of her final art assignment. probally cause I'm the only friend who wouldnt brush her off with a it looks good. Something is gonna give soon. I knew her last exam was this morning so I sent her a good luck text she responded afterward. Tell me about her get drunk plans etc etc. If I'm lucky she'll call me tonight thanks to the liberating effect of alcohol. Normal BS which will conclude with a she wishes she liked me load to swallow. Which means I'll be happy and sad at the same time.

The worst part of the whole text thing was it took place while I was at the doctors office with my mom. I hate going there. I get a practically irresistible urge to start knocking heads together. Sitting in the lobby stressed over my mom was not an ideal place to " talk" to kelli about her feelings towards me. I need to move out soon. The walls of my sanity are being breached little by little each day as home life wears me down. I don't feel relaxed or anything. I just look forward to my next chance to get away. That's the best thing about work, It allows me to sleep through most of the normal interaction time. Did the math though. I cant move out without a series financial influx, which I don't see as likely. It's gonna be a while.

Work xmas party is looming up soon. I'm taking my old HS flame. Maybe something will get started there. Something besides kelli. Alcohol, the night off, anything can happen. After that, Christmas dinner and gifts with a couple close friends. Then the family bullshit will begin. I went present shopping. Kelli, I've known for months. Juno hamburger phone. I'll get something dumb back from her. I'm probably gonna get her something else too just to make sure she feels special. Why do I set myself up like this? Another friend is getting two books, A real present in my opinion. One on astrology ( she loves it anyway) and one that's a cultural commentary, Hilarious. I've read it before.

I have two other main friends to shop for. One is getting office memorabilia, not really sure what yet. It's our favorite show. The other is getting a medium playboy tote bag. Me, her and two other friends were the girls next door and Hugh. kinda. I never fucked them. Me and her aren't as close as we use to be. When I went to check out the sales girl tried to up sell me to a bigger one. I made a joke I always do. I said reasonable gift at a reasonable price. As in I wasn't spending 30 to 40 dollars on something for her. The sales clerk was like there's a contest yadda yadda yadda. She admitted I probably didn't care. Didn't know her etc. I told her joking we don hang out. she then offered too. If I'd change just a little I probably could find a perfectly adequate girl. Multiple clerks and their types have said similar things trying to meet outside of normal cashier cashee terms. I normally avoid the stores afterward. Maybe soon I'll find a girl and give up the one that I'm waiting for.

Tune in soon for:

The promised office Christmas party, debauchery at it's finest

Life sucks part: 5,562,907

Travel deals to get you to your families for half the price over the holidays.

Keep Kicking

So I'm in the middle of talking to kelli via myspace messages of all things. I keep glancing at my blackberry, waiting for the little light to go off telling me she sent something new. She's been strange the last couple of days. Distant. Haven't talked to her period. I've been worried that something happened maybe something did. About a half hour ago out of nowhere she sends me a note saying to stop loving her, that it will never happen. I'm deluding myself.

My first thought was where did this come from. Nothing has changed recently. I know she's right. Hell, This kinda shit proves it. It hurts me to the core. After the initial hey what's this moment, I wanted to cry. I didn't. Now, I want to know why she felt the need to send it. Am I that bad? Is knowing that I love her eating away at her at night? Night was ok. Now it's super shitty.

Tune in soon for:

Whatever else kelli wants to say to confuse, piss me off, or make me happy.

A drunken night with my co-workers and a beautiful blonde woman

10 tips to maximize your holiday budget

Locked and Loaded

Holy fuck I'm pissed today and not even for a good reason. I don't know why. Just one of those days. Had to take my mom to the doctor this morning. The entire ride there I was pissed off. People suck at driving. I wish I owned a large caliber hand held weapon so that I could eliminate shitty drivers. Assholes changing lanes with no signals, driving to slow. driving to fast. Not using headlights in the rain. And my biggest pet peeve. tying up traffic for a god-forsaken parking space. Park at the back and walk. Not only do you waste 10 minutes of your time, but you waste 10 of mine waiting on some old lady to back out of space so you don't have to walk an extra minute.

Then in the doctors office, multiple fucktards had their cell phones on and answered them in the office. Number one put it on vibrate, or flashy light or telepathic mode. whatever. Don't leave the ringer on high so everyone can enjoy the included cell version of Beethoven's 5th. Number two, if it rings, don't answer. Walk outside, read the caller id and go, hmm this call could wait. Don't talk on it for 10 fuckin minutes including telling the person on the other end they need to speak up because you cant hear over the noise of the lobby.

Other then that life is ok. I've been sleeping better which is nice and been much more relaxed the last couple of days. Things are chill with kelli. Been texting and talking some. It's nice to have her in my life. She makes me happy and as for the rest I don't care. I still have my dreams and delusions. Maybe someday, I'll find a girl that makes me feel the same way she does.

Had dinner with a good friend last night. I haven't seen steph in a while. She was off the radar all weekend. I understand, sometimes I like to just be alone too. She's an extremely nice girl. I describe her as the nicest girl I know. In high school, I had a huge crush on her. She used to sit in the lunch room in tenth grade and wink at me. I am tempted to explore our friendship and see if there is something more. I probably won't. I hate the idea of turning a friendship awkward by trying something. Plus she's well aware of how I feel about kelli. Wouldn't be a good start. I'll meet girls at school net semester. Hopefully, I'll find someone or at the very least kelli will leave my mind. To be honest, I'm still waiting on her to call me and say she loves me.

Tune is soon for

A new academic year, let the math flow

Work xmas party with a beautiful girl on my arm what could go wrong?

How to find the perfect christmas tree

Another Shitty Holiday

Thanksgiving day has come and gone and laugh is as shitty as ever. The holiday was incredibly boring, tiring and maybe, just maybe have reached unparalleled levels of suckiness. For starters, I worked wed. night and thur. night. So I had a 2 hour nap to run thru all of the festivities. I was tired and cranky the entire time. My one attempt to nap after the thanksgiving lunch lasted all of 5 minutes before my jack-ass 20 year old brother shoved a bugle up my nose. Asshole with a capitol fuckin' a as you can see. The dinner was fine though since for the most part I enjoy time with my dad's side of the family.



After dinner, my dad and me sat down to talk about my school plans. I've decided to go to uncw. I', not happy. I'm not going to be, I ended up flipping a coin to decide my future. Harvey Dent would be proud. My dad wants me to go elsewhere and thinks going back up north is a bad plan. maybe. I don't know. Conversation ended when he asked me what I wanted him to do in regards to my school, I said I don't care. He said that's not a good attitude. As I informed him, It's not a matter of good or bad attitudes. That is my attitude for better or for worse.



This was followed by trips to my step-dads mothers and my mom's g-parents. Nothing happened at my step-dad's. G-ma's was a shit show. My mom thru a hissy fit, yelled, etc etc. Great holiday. Followed by a boring night at work. All in all, another shitty holiday.

Saw kelli yesterday for 30 seconds. She and her family went to NY for thanksgiving and kelli asked me to dogsit. I got a quick hug and smile when they stopped by to pick up the key. Sucked. I still love her and she still doesn't give a shit about me. oh well.

Decided I need to get out of my house into a place of my own as soon as possible. Been having lots of arguments with my mom and step-dad over little piddly shit. I need space and time to think. Other day, while finishing roach world, step dad thru a tantrum over how lazy I've been over there. Best part when I began listing all the shit I had done over there I was informed i need to shut the fuck up. To be fair, I was an asshole about it. Since I was walking around going where did the furniture go? who fixed the door? How did blank happen? I've done 75% of the work over there not to mention the majority of the super nasty stuff. But, until we finished yesterday I hadn't done shit apparently. When the apt was ready it was oh you put in so much work. blah blah blah. assholes.

Tune in soon for:

A dysfunctional family holiday

What is happening with kelli and my chances of getting laid before I began balding.

The perfect Christmas: How to plan a wonderful holiday for your family at a fraction of the cost and with no stress.

One Week, Time to Think

Life has been pretty boring the last week. All I've done is work and run my gg-ma around town to the doc and crap. In fact, I haven't really hung out with anyone. Payday was friday. I met my friend cara for sushi. Cara is a nice girl. Cute, aka fuckable great breasts actually, and a really sweet personality. Kinda low self-esteem and she makes horrible guy decisions. You know, a normal girl. I also got accepted into all 3 of the schools I applied to for spring. UNCW, UNCG, and NCSU. I hate UNCG and NCSU. In addition, I found out I could probably go back to RPI if I want to. I want to. Unfortunately it would cost roughly ten grand a semester in loans. some federal some Private. I need 5 to 6 semesters so 60,000 dollars. That's a lot to have. Tried to talk to my dad about it. He's dead set against it. Basically said He wouldn't even bother helping me go to school period. Basically, I'm deciding between RPI with an assload of loans and money. Pros of RPI. Its a good school. Unlike UNCW which has a slightly less then perfect academic record. I have a life there. Friends, routine, favorite restaurants etc. UNCW is cheap and I could keep my job. Only pros to going there.

Kelli front is the same. She called me Friday night. Only because she was walking and people talk on cell phones when walking alone so they don't look like creepers. And she texted me a few days before that to see if I could dog-sit for her over thanksgiving. I've given up on going to UNC-CH because of her. Its the best public aka affordable school in the state. I'm worried though that the only draw for me there is her and when my delusions fall thru I'll hate the place.

Best part is I have a week to figure it all out. Dec. 1st. RPI or UNCW??? And with thanksgiving in the mix it's going to be a close tough call. hopefully I'll make the right decision. I have a feeling I'm going to be unhappy regardless. I don't want the debt and I don't want to stay here. Maybe I'll enlist in the navy and run away. Ask me in a week and maybe the world will make sense.

Tune in soon for:

Thanksgiving Day: I Hate Family Bullshit Part Gazillion and fifty three.

My future plans, and the groundwork for my future disappointments.

Turkey Tips to lock in the flavour and save valuable time

The Married Life

Boring days off. All I've done is sleep and relax. Nothing productive. Sleep schedule is completely off thanks to work. I'm lucky if I feel like drifting off by 5 or 6 am. I normally spend the night watching movies and TV on my laptop in bed. Not exciting but okay. I've decided that I want to go back to Rensselaer. Fuck the family. Fuck the cost. Most of all Fuck kelli. Me and her texted for about half an hour or so. Normal overly friendly stuff about the movies and whatnot. Told her my RPI plans but that I didn't know how. She says anything is possible. except for her was the obvious addition. Then she goes on to tell me she's at a boy's house. Just what I wanna hear. Told her I didn't fall out love with her, that I just gave up.

Other then that it was a lovely evening. Cooked dinner with an old friend. Then we sat and chatted about random things in our lives. It was nice. I felt relaxed and content in a way I haven't for a very long time. The night should have been boring. But cause of this I want more like it. More relaxing times. Me and her have had some rough times and it was nice to find that old warm feeling of a deep friendship.

Biggest worry right now is school. I want RPI back. No clue how to pay for it. No clue if it's even possible for spring semester. Not to mention telling my dad. He won't approve. I don't think he like me going there at all. I know he didn't like the fraternity or my friends. He'll tell me cost yadda yadda yadda other places. I've made up my mind. Though he needs to realize that I didn't just leave my classes behind in September, I left my entire life. Hopefully, He'll understand. I don't know. I'm looking foward to driving up there if I make it back. Long drive, time to think. Best part. I'll be 800 miles from kelli. I can forget and move on.

Tune in soon for:

Next semester plans and resolutions

My attempts to find a new "love". Too bad your mom's taken

How early is to early to start putting up Christmas decorations.

Tomorrow comes before the Sun

I don't have regrets. Never have, maybe I never will. Or so I like to think. I'm a people person. The face of steel. Predictable in it's arrogance. Basically, I am a different person by myself then around others. And one of the few social skills I have is the ability to gauge people's reactions and thoughts on various actions in advance. And knowing this, my action follow a pre-set path of what I should do. It's like when you're doing something. Maybe it's annoying, maybe it's not. Doesn't matter. And someone looks over and tells you to quit being an asshole and stop. The tone set the stage, If you stop you're a bitch, continue an inconsiderate jerk. I decided a long time ago that I was not and will never be a bitch. So sometimes I come off as an asshole. Happens. Like I said no regrets.

Unfortunately for me, that carefully crafted exterior of confidence devil be damned attitude falls apart for kelli. She makes me doubt. Makes me wonder. Makes me have regrets. Makes me question every decision Ive ever made. I called her tonight. She didn't answer, she rarely does. I put in the majority of effort into being friends. I start the communication. I'm there when she's in trouble. I wait for her to come around. And in return I get nothing but the empty feeling when she walks away or hangs up the phone.

I have a friend, soccer chick for our purposes. I describe her as the person I call when I go thru my phone's address book wanting to talk to someone and but can't find anyone worth calling. She's who I call. She gives me kelli advice. Her main bit being she's no good for me. Which is probably true. But I love the way kelli makes me feel on the inside. I love the smile on my face when we talk. The way I fall for her each time I see her. No other girl will do. And I can't even find a girl to try and get over her with. I'm not a casual romance kinda guy and any girl I'm close to knows about kelli. Not a great way to start a relationship.

On top of that. My future is uncertain. I hate all the school I applied to. The academics at two of the three suck. And the third I just dislike generally. I'm tempted to see about going back to NY, abandoning everything I have here. It's not a lot. 2 or 3 friends who I might keep. The memory of kelli maybe. Maybe I'll work at a hotel until I'm in my 70s and people we'll wonder what ever happened to me. Maybe Ill end up at school with kelli. We'll get married and live happily ever after.

Tune in soon for:

The quest for mathematics

My ultra top secret sure fire plan to win kelli's heart

How to turn down time into you time

The Night Shift

At work currently, bored outta my mind. Guy I work with is in the lobby watching TV. slacker. though I'm not much better chilling back here doing this. Work has been slow and uneventful. Highlight was figuring out how to hide 1100 dollars in the books to make them balance. And people wonder whats wrong with the economy. I don't get off till 7 but I might try and leave at 6.

Things are ok but odd with kelli. Benn talking via IM the last coupla days. My work all night sleep all day doesn't help communication between us. Mostly about one of her ex's who she's fighting with. They were BF and GF coupla years back. In fact he was kelli's first. So I guess there's a huge attachment. They go to the same college, so when kelli showed up this year they became fuck buddies. Unfortunately for kelli, that's all he wanted to be. She wants/wanted more. And they've been breaking into arguments over random things, questioning their friendship, insulting their mothers, etc. So she asks me for advice as if I'm an expert. The sad part is that I try to help. Let her find her feelings and do what she wants. I'm tempted to tell her that's what happens when you act retarded or sleep around but I don't. Feel like shit the more we talk though cause I feel bad that I'm happy a guy treats her like shit. I'm still waiting for the moment she realizes that and comes looking for me. Unlikely, I know. What else is there?

Tune in soon for:

Me, Kelli and a whole lotta laughs, mostly at my expense

work, family, my life, etc

Fun paper mache ideas for school projects that are sure to dazzle

The World has Changed...Supposedly

A new president has been elected, Barack Obama. I guess annoying emails have their place in the world of politics. I couldn't care less. I think 99% of people are retarded. So many people are either sure were going to enter a golden age because he was elected or that the USA's days are numbered. I hate to be the one to break the news, bring a nominal thing called reality into play, but both sides are full of shit. Obama is neither our saviour nor are downfall. Obama is a populist. And like every other populist he will disappoint. He's promised many bold things. Some I want, Some I do not. He will not carry out a magical " change" to the promised land. He'll be a mediocre president, remembered due to being the first African American president. The economy will doom him to one term. To be fair, I think McCain would've only had one term as well.

btw, I voted for Barr. I refused to vote for a candidate I dint believe in. So i voted for the third party who I actually liked. That was the main thing that pissed me off this election. People voting not for a candidate but against the other. Kinda defeats the purpose in my mind.

Life has been kinda boring and depressing the last week. I went and saw some of the schools I applied to for spring semester. I don't like them. They're all 20 steps below RPI academically, Not to mention, they're not RPI. I don't know the place. I don't know the people. Ive been thinking it might be better to just go back to RPI and take some loans. I don't know. Trip sucked because I was sick. Headaches, Nausea, Congestion, the works.

The highlight was a visit to kelli's college.It's easily the best in the Great State, but doesn't do the spring transfer thing. I met her on campus and walked around chatting more about her life then the school. I thought we were just friendly, but my dad afterward asked if I saw anything besides her. I guess I'm still a giant loser. She's been having boy problems. Which means she wants to talk to me. Mainly cause Ill tell it'll be alright. I want her to be happy even though it kills me. What i want her to realize is that I love her and wouldn't hurt her. Unlike every guy she goes for. Gah, I need to move on. Not gonna happen. We hugged 5 or 6 times Tuesday. Hello, goodbye, etc. That's all I need to carry me for a long time. As she walked away, I wanted to cry but couldn't. Life sucks.

Tune in soon for

Adventures of the Night Shift

The War against Ohio: America Trims the fat

great bargains so you can get everything and more on your Christmas wish list.

My letter to Mr. Obama

Not a whole lot has been happening. I sat around the house today in my underwear. Work tomorrow woop woop. Sent Obama this letter thru his website. I don't think he'll ever see it. So I'm posting it on here since I'm sure he's a loyal reader.

The Letter

Over the last couple days I have received dozens of emails about Obama for NC, change and a whole lot of other crap. It’s extremely annoying especially since I already voted. I was undecided up until i made my selection at my polling place and the slew of pro-Barack emails did not place him in a favorable light. So I have two suggestions and a question.

1.) Don’t be overly bothersome because it pisses people, me included, off.

2.) Don’t beg for money. Every email wanted 5 to 10 dollars. If economic times are so hard shouldn’t Obama understand that and stop begging. He's raised more money than any other campaign and obviously doesn’t need it if he can afford to waste it on things like an infomercial.

Now to my question...

If Obama is offering real change why does he want me to vote straight ticket democratic? Pulling a straight ticket says I’m an idiot that can’t make an informed voter decision on my own. It also says that Obama doesn’t care about what’s best for me, America, or the Great State of North Carolina since he wants my main focus to be on advancing one party instead of qualified individuals who I believe would do the best job.

Sincerely,

End of the letter
So basically yeah that's it. I doubt I get a reply. If i do awesome if not no biggie.

Tune in soon for

A presidential reply, pending Obama gets back to me

Whatever happned to kelli?

Delicious treats that make great gifts during the holiday season

Voting: Not all it's cracked up to be

Work today and a trip to my local polling place. It doesn't get any more American, then a day in the salt mines followed by getting to choose my new overlord. I'm hoping that catches btw, overlord as a term of endearment for our leaders. Overlord Obama, overlord McCain, overlord whatever. Its catchy and funny.

Work was work. Completed an ass load of boring training while getting to listen in on the juicer bits of the office politics. Every other sentence from the GM's mouth was fire them. An acceptable if definite means of solving problems in the office. Hey she was talking about another guy with the same job as me. If he gets fired more hours for me. Bit cut throat, but hey that's corporate America. All I have left is the actual accounting portion of it. I'm ready to get started for real not training. Training sucks and doesn't pay as well.

Worked about 5 hours got off about 2 pm. Was waiting to turn right from a side road onto the main thruway. Lots of traffic. Not to mention, I was ready to relax. I'm the kind of driver that cant be rushed. My favorite saying from my dad on the subject is " just because its green doesn't mean you have to go". Awesome line. And describes my driving perfectly. So a mega douche is behind me going crazy on the horn. He's waving and yelling like a tough shot. Didn't make me want to hurry up. So I go he peels out behind me and then flicks me off as he goes by. Faggot. Now if I have some free time. I did. Don't piss me off. So I followed him. Changed lanes when he did, riding his bumper, etc. He's changing lanes trying to trick me and loose me. We finally end up in a neighbor hood, he's acting retarded. not a surprise. So finally I zoom past and yell " Fuck yourself Faggot" like any mature adult would and drive home. I realized that the type of people who get road rage are grade A pussies. So I call their bluff. Next time he'll chill the fuck out. Maybe he should take up smoking.

After I got home, I changed out of my shirt and tie. Collected my cheat sheet of who to vote for, and my great-grandmother to go vote. The polling place was packed. There were 5 workers there, me, great-granny, 3 fire trucks, maybe a dog. I know they use to have one anyway. I voted it was quick and easy and not at all satisfying. I didn't like the choices. I didn't feel good about America when I left. Hopefully the Great State will be alright. It normally is.

Tune in soon for

Election Results: Is the country Fucked?...Ill give you a hint the answer has three letters and you don't need to wait to know it

The night shift and me

Basic trading techniques to maximize the value of your portfolio in this economy

Life of the Party

Ahh the weekend. The god given days to rest in a bathrobe while accomplishing nothing. And if its a special weekend drink, be merry, and stick your D in some quality V. But alas this was not to be. Instead, I had a boring weekend with little to know excitement. Though I did have one of the best hookah smokes ever, so not a total loss. Most important thing that happened was textual messaging with kelli while she was drunk. Sad, I know. I walk a lonely path of my own making.

Things are settling into a familiar stride with kelli. Different in that I am careful not to say anything that would let her know I still love her but similar BS we've always had. I'd rather text her while she's hundreds of miles away then talk to my close friends. Not to mention doesn't help my need to get laid scenario. I suck at lying and girls aren't normally turned on by pillow talk that includes I'm in love with another girl. Luckily my hand works just fine and I have all the good sites bookmarked.

Friday night went over to a friends house for a "party". I use the term loosely since it consisted of 12 kids sitting around with their thumbs up their asses drinking shitty beer out of plastic cups. Not to mention my dumb ass bro tagged along. He's older and a jackass. Thinks he's cool, he's not, and he bitches the whole time about shitty my friends are.Though that doesn't stop him from searching them out on the weekend when he's home and bored.

watched the movie Just Friends today. Huge mistake since its a loosely based biography of me. I spent two hours hugging a pillow and smiling afterward. Nothing assured me that kelli will want me in the end like a cliche teen flick. Speaking of kelli. Just got an IM so I gotta go be all friendly and stuff.

Tune in soon for

The continuing adventures of the Night Shift

A trip to see kelli for better or worse...actually worse I already know

How to make gourmet meals for your family on a budget

The Kelli Fix

Several days ago I pulled back from Kelli. I couldn't take it anymore. Her little games, the I love you one minute to I wish you'd leave the next. But I'm a bonified retard. I cant take not having her near me. So what did I do? I told her what she wanted hear in a realistic way. I said I still loved her but was capable of loving other girls. False. She still has my heart completly. I said I wanted to just be best friends yadda yadda yadda some bullshit yadda yadda. False. I want to marry her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want it all. I'm capable of pretending I don't though. And that's what I realized over the last week. I am capable of being dead on the inside. I can go thru all the motions of love easily. Just pretend the girl is kelli. Ill pretend she is most of the time. Live a boring, comfortable life while wishing things had turned out differently.

What I hope is that Kelli will fall for me. After all, I'm a nice guy, She has described me as the only guy that's been there for her 100% of the time etc etc. I want her to get fed up with douche bags and settle for me. I feel horrible saying it but its true. So now Ill go thru the motions with girls I'm friends with as if I love them. Ill die a little more on the inside each day, each month, each year as I go along. At least she'll be in my life even if it's only the shadow of what I want.

Tune in soon for

My attempts to settle for any old girl

The dramatic conclusion to roach hotel, well maybe not dramatic

Imaginative Halloween ideas that will make your house the spookiest on the block

Does that tie come in a clip on?

Back to work today. Finished all the computer training to the surprise of management. Apparently retardation is standard issue and it normally wakes them weeks to complete the training. Took me less then a day. Soon Ill start full time and be rollin in the dough. Highlight of the day was meeting the soon to be counter part that will also due security. He worked in a prison for 30 odd years. First thing I heard him say, "does that tie come in a clip on?" He's anticipating scuffles that go all the way to choke holds of death. The GM looked a little perplexed, she thought he was joking. Gonna finish up at the roach villa tonight or tomorrow morning depending on my mood. Ill be done till the bug guy finishes after that.

While I was at work my phone went off several times. emails, unimportant and important calls, txt messages. One of them was from kelli. it was a simple " you okay?". After I got off I sent back Ive been better. I don't know what she thinks of me and this doesn't help. Half of me wants to forget her and the other half wants her to come running to me with open arms and a smile on her face. There was only a half hour of work left when I got the message so I didn't immediately get lost in my hopes dream and probable downfall. I waited till I was in the parking lot, sitting in the driver's seat, radio on low. Took 10 minutes to compose that simple reply. Thought about lying. Saying I was great, over her, ready to pick up where we left off. But I didn't, I hope I don't.

Fortunately, I finally though about another woman for the first time in a year and a half. I'm capable of saying that's a hot chick I should fuck her. But I have no desire to follow thru on it. To me, emotion and desire are locked together, inseparable in my mind and heart. SSo its a rare occasion when a girl pops into my mind that's not kelli. Its a close friend that I see every other day and crushed on all thru high school. It's tough. I think my brain is just filling her in every time I think about kelli to save my sanity, fool me into submission. I know its false or at least not a real love yet. After kelli messaged me my first impulse was to call her immediately. That's not the move of someone that's moved on.

I'm going to keep my options open. Maybe Ill find love maybe kelli will find me. maybe Ill get hit by a bus and this wont matter anymore.

Tune in soon for

Halloween Costumes..aka what slut did I convince to stand next to me so I look cool

Presidential Clothing: The move from unbuttoned shirt and khakis to the dark suit and power tie

Creative crafts to keep the kids busy and happy after school and on long car rides

Roach Hotel

No work today. Ahhhh the joys of bumming around the house all day in a bathrobe. It would've been nice. Instead I set my alarm for 8 am this morning to work all day next door in roach city. Well more of casino. The place has food, sleeping accommodations, fun roach games but no major utilities so its unlikely they incorporated.

My grand-parents own several rental properties including a duplex with 2 2-bedroom apts. My great-grandmother lives in one and they rent the other to losers. And I mean losers. Sometimes I thing my grandparents are retarded. The latest assholes got kicked out after being 3 months behind on their rent and causing a roast infestation. No worries, the bug guy says its only like a 40% chance they'll have to rip out walls to get rid of the problem. They left furniture, clothes, food in the fridge, a treasure map to the rest of the rent money, and a stench. The stench is interesting in the fact that it lingers in your nostril memory and is impossible to describe without using the words ass and sweat.

So being a strapping young man possessing a brain. brawn and a smile to melt your heart I am flipping the apt. HGTV should come over. I'm not putting in decorative touches and new cabinets, though I might depending on the condition of the tops. Instead, I'm waste deep in trash and roaches. So me and another guy took everything to the dump including the carpet and occasional roach that just couldn't bare to see the shag go.

Now normally the dump is a mere 5 minute drive away. On Wednesday they close at noon, so we got a nice early start to be done in time. Cept for the fact the dump is closed all day not just half. So we had to go to the one across the county. This wouldn't normally bother me. I love my county. The landscape, old people in the yard, lack of northerners etc. But the new route to the new dump passed directly by kelli's house. I worked 8 hrs straight today hauling shit, literally shit. My only rests were on the 20 minute rides to the dump, which I spent in constant thought about kelli, and how big a retard I am. Shitty day. Little if any pay with the whole family bullshit. And to top it I've spent the day thinking about the one thing I want to get out of my mind.

Luckily, I dabble in medicine and know the cure for a shitty day. Vagina. delicious hot vagina. preferably from a young buxom lass. reminds me i need to call Cara. unfortunately for me, the one girl in the world I want I'm currently no talking to. So not even a whack off while we talk about our "days" to look forward to. Guess I'll have to go with the Jesus friendly cure ( Jesus hates using vagina to cure illness). Cigarette and a double shot of maker's.

Tune in soon for

My trip to vote early

My plan to rectify the "kelli situation"

A helpful list of things to do with VCR tapes other then watch them.

The Slightly younger then me woman and the Sea

So I'll start off with the weekly update. I know theres been a new one everyday but this is how I work thru it so sit still and ill skip in the future or die which will end the blog since I'm unrelated to tupac. Work again today. Spent three hrs going thru computer program as the training mechanism. Click here to do this yadda yadda yadda. Nothing notable happened cept for the first lesson was on mouse use. This is retarded since you have to ise the mouse to open the program. Now you might thing to yourself not that big a deal. You had to advance thru the first 5 stages by pushing a key until the program taught you how to push the fuckin mouse buttons. My favorite was the double click demo with a self-esteem booster attached telling me not to be disappointed if I didn't get it on my first try. Had a lovely walk afterwards and a delicious lunch of microwave cheese quessadilla around 2. All in all a magical day.

So me and kelli were best friends. We saw each other every day and stayed up late together. I told her when I had problems, she told me when she had problems. I thought of her family as my family. In fact, I almost had to go gangsta on some asswipe who was drunk for the first time ever talking about fucking her little sister at a party not to long ago. She's 14 for gods sake i don't care if he's only 15. Fuck him.

Meanwhile I had graduated and was preparing to go to college in NY at RPI. It was a pricey school, 50 g s a year or so. But no worries, Uncle Sam had my back. I had a full NROTC scholarship to pay for it all. I left with tearful goodbyes especially from kelli. She wrote me a letter, Ill still have it to read while I cry and hug my pillow actually, which I opened on the plane. My college career started with mini boot camp. One of the guys running it use to yell constantly and he would always tell us our girlfriends were in someone else's arms already. I didn't have one, never had but kelli always sprang to mind when he said that. And I'd be gone for moment thinking about her. School stared after normal college life plus 5 am wake ups for PT and oh yeah the navy owned me as we use to say jokingly.

Then one night I had a dream about me and kelli sleeping together. Not a sex dream, though I have had some good ones and weird ones. My favorite is about me banging this hot chick I use to work with. Best part she's on all four doggy style. Still wearing her pants. Not pulled down, no holes, It was a miracle of sex and physics. I think it was her phenomenal ass, i mean one of the ones you just want to put your face in, that i had only seen in her tight little pants so my brain couldn't or wouldn't remove it for sex. All we did in this dream was lay in bed and spoon. I remember the ghost like warmth still in my arms when I awoke. That feeling still haunts me today. I knew I loved her. Not like. Not crushing. Not thinking about it cause were both cool people that get along. none of that bullshit. Love. I loved her. I love her still.

So I did what any rational red blooded American man does. Keep it to myself and keep looking around. I was in NY over 700 miles away. Not to mention the friendship I might lose. Then i went to her best friend and told her. She said go for it. Everyone said it was better to tell someone then always wonder. fuckin liars. wished i didn't. She was nice told me she didn't feel the same way blah blah distance doesn't work blah blah lets be friends blah blah.

Now kelli's mom works for an airline and as such she flies for free. So when I needed a date for a military ball, I invited kelli despite the distance. She came and we went together. During dinner she slowly slid her foot up the inside of my leg while staring deep into my eyes with a mischievous smile on her face. After dinner, we hit the dance floor and she stood in my arms puling me into her and laid her head on my shoulder. After the dance we went back to my dorm room. My roommate had a hotel room so we were all alone. I changed out of uniform and laid down on my bed. She slowly undid the back of her dress and slid it to the floor. She wasn't wearing underwear within a minute neither was I. It'd be awesome if that had happened but not with her. lets back up. I laid down on the bed. She sat at the computer desk and played with her myspace updating her profile picture. We didn't really talk at all. Then I drove her to her aunt's house where she was staying. She asked me why I couldn't find a girl. " Cause every girl I see I wish was you" I replied slowly, evenly with a trace of depression. She got out of the car, hugged me goodbye no kiss on the cheek to take me home, and went inside. I drove off to drink myself happy. on campus not in the car for all those reaching for 911 right now.

That basically sums up my friendship with kelli. She teases me about loving her one minute and the next leaves me a message telling me how wonderful I am. If she's scared she'll grab my arm in the dark knowing I would do anything for her. At her house watching a movie, She'll pull back to be sure we don't accidentally touch. Then fall asleep leaving me to sleep quietly into the night.

At the beginning of this year. I decided to drop NROTC. I wish I had a story that would make everything clear. I simply realized that I want to teach and didn't want to be in the navy. I was worried about my home life and how my kids would grow up with a part time father. Teaching stood in the distance as the right thing. Of course, The navy doesn't pay for school when you quit their program so I was forced to drop out. The night I found out I could afford school I called kelli. She didn't understand. She called me failure told me I was stupid and then hung up on me. I rolled over and wept. I had been stone faced telling friends, teachers, family, everyone that i was leaving school. She alone could strike me to the core.

2 months later she came home from her first year at college for fall break. We had a normal movie night, with popcorn and me hosting her in her own home. I left her house about 2 am and drove home trying to savour every last moment of the evening. The following night was homecoming, we went to a party afterwards. I drove her home cause her ride got drunk. She told me to stop liking her. Said I was no good for her. I told her there were 2 ways. Find another girl or delete her out of my life. I didn't want to do either. She didn't even give me a hug when she got out of the car. I had to stop on the ride home so to compose myself before finishing the short drive. A few days later she went back to school. I left her a message that said I miss you..2 months. Because it will most likely be that long before we see each other again. She started an argument over people might think we were dating. They don't and why care about something so small. She wanted me to stop liking her. I said ok. Deleted her off my computer, email, facebook, myspace, photos. Then erased her contact info from my phone. Finally I sent her an email saying how I felt. I said Id call her when I was ready. a month. a year. i don't know. That was two days ago. My heart has lived two eternities.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a close friend. She asked me what if friday was the last time I'd ever see kelli. what would I have done differently. Now I'm scared. what if that is the last time. what if kelli is done with me on all levels. what if Ive made the biggest mistake of my life.

Tune in soon for

My life, as it falls back into place or unravels altogether...I'm hopin for the former

My thoughts on the election and how I decide who to vote for

Neat ideas on how to spruce up your cubicle in the office

Back to the salt mines

Started work again today. Working nights as a Night Auditor. Kinda Redundant I know but hey jobs a job. Went in at 1 got paid till 3 but was out by 2. Took the tour got the insider info, mainly where the employees should go for number two's and how to sneak a Starbucks card out of the front desk so that you can flash at your friends to justify paying 4.50 for a hot glass of milk with beans in it. Biggest complaint with the job is the uniform. Black pants, Plaid Shirt, Printed Tie. For some reason, lookin stylish as a non-managerial position is not desirable. The management wears normals shirts and ties but not the common man. 10 bucks an hr training though so I cant complain.

Now currently the biggest worry is transportation. I don't own a car and am dependant on the kindness and more importantly lack of a social life of people around me, My parents get a date night and I cant use the car to get to work at 11 pm. Help is on the way. Barack has agreed to give every working American white male that was born in September and leaves in my house a free car so they can get to work or at least that's what sally from the local college said when she called to get me to vote. better then Mary-Ann who hung up after I simply asked how far she was willing to go to get that vote. My uncle has a 94 Buick regal I can get my hands on which is convenient since it use to be mine and the car has a history with me. And more closely related to this narrative, a history with kelli.

The car was originally my aforementioned uncles until he sold it to my dad for the princely sum of 400 American in 2003 for my sister to drive the 5 hrs over the bridge and thru the woods to college. She did so until Dec 2006 when she dropped out for unknown reasons. Seriously Ive never met Mr. Daniel's personally though I'm kinda close to his middle son jack. I without a whip so it became mine for the time. After the summer it was resold to my uncle for his oldest daughter to drive upon her fast approaching 16th birthday. Luckily she hates the cars more lovable character traits. women...They just don't understand the bond between man and machine.

Whats the main event of Senior year? For me it was making an excuse to poke a girl in the boobs at a party which turned into a straight up feel up. mmmm boobies. until prom night that is. I needed a date and wasn't exactly the best man with the ladies. Kelli was a friendly friend and more importantly willing to say yes which she did. Even going so far as to promise a BJ in my yearbook. The big night arrived and we went. She looked lovely, in fact I don't know of any night she looked hotter. Well technically not true, there is the locked album of scankerrific photos she left up one time, but you know. Dinner was ocean front. She passed me her bra under the table midway thru the appetizers. Those things are itchy so it wasn't the green light to meet in the bathroom but still a good sign. We arrived fashionably late to the dance portion. 3 full minutes after the door opened. We danced, took pictures, drank non-spiked punch and pretended we could taste the bitterness of purloined alcohol that some well wisher surly would have put in it. Afterwards we went to the beach with friends and made out under the stars after they had all left. I consider that the best night of my life in retrospect. After all what more could a man want? A beautiful girl in his arms and sea spread before under a full moon. Afterward we went to a party, which I left her at in order to make curfew by 4 am.

As I was leaving the party, She asked me what the night had meant. You know are we still just friends or is this the start of something more. I walked back upstairs to where she stood, put my arms around her and just before our lips met said " Its something more I'm sure of it". Turns out it wasn't. Monday we went to the movies and we were back to being friends but way more then friends. we were besties that could depend on each other for anything.

The car matters because every time I settle into the drivers seat i think back to the smile on my face as I drove home after that brief moment of pure happiness. Hopefully, The feelings will still be there if i get the car back. If you cant have the girls of your dreams ten do everything possible to dream. And oh yeah I can not be a bum borrowing my parents car and be independent and not be as big a loser. The end.

Now the first question you must have is what could the problem possibly be. I have a lifelong friend who lets me play with her fun parts occasionally and nice little story to tell about my senior prom. The problem would come letter courtesy of the baddest mother fucker Ive ever met...Uncle Sam. He would lay the foundation of my downfall with a simple cliche line and may be responsible for my fall from glory in some small way.

But Ive got a pack of cigarettes that wont smoke itself, a bottle of scotch that wont drink itself, and a hand that wont fuck itself. So i gotta bounce for now to handle these less urgent but still pressing problems.

Tune in soon for

How kelli became the love of my life

A small update on my current life and maybe a political rant so ill pop up on google when they search blog sites for dumb ass thoughts to show the thoughts of the common man

Tips on keeping your garden looking fresh thru the winter months ahead

In the Begining

So basically, I'm the world's smartest idiot, tallest midget, and skinniest fat guy.

A year ago my life made sense and read like a cheesy poster from the 50's with me as the chump grinning as he captured the American dream. I was a straight a student going to a private school for nuclear engineering. I was going to be a naval officer and defend freedom from sea to shining sea or something like that.

Today, I'm sitting in my underwear as a college drop out trying to scrape up cash to fund the essentials ( cigarettes, maker's, and gas). No clue what I'm gonna to do anymore or more importantly how to get from point A to point B without getting fucked like a french whore on payday in the process.

But, I'm little to far ahead. More important then what i use to do or the intimate details of my sweet scantily clad unemployed ass is what lies at the root. And the root is the same from Troy to the Great State of North Carolina is of course a girl. Now this leads to two key points. Actually three cause I want a sentence with all three versions of to ( two and too for the illiterate) in a row. Ill keep working on it. Number 1.) I love North Carolina and will not take any affront against her. Number 2.) When I said from troy to the great state i meant troy with homer and the blond hoe yadda yadda yadda but i also meant Troy, NY where I went to school at Rensselaer.

This girl was not particularly special. Pretty but not mind-blowingly. Smart but no Einstein. Funny but not a comedian. Throw on to the top of this slightly loose morals and you have the girl I was looking for. I'll call her kelli. There's a book of rules for man and one of them claims that the best blind dates are with girls named kelli and the actual name so its fitting in a small way. We met in high school. I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. And for some reason she developed a small literal school girl crush on me. What I fell to include is that I am socially retarded. When a similar retarded friend made a joke about me liking her, which I did, I did the natural seven year old thing and responded with a triple cootie shot. So nothing came of it. She moved on and I though nothing of it. We were friends but not close and certainly not worthy of a top friend slot on myspace. Alas the days when facebook actually only had college girls who didn't lie about their age cause they were already 18.

And so we continued till my senior year.

Tune in soon for

More stories of "kelli" and how she plays into whatever else I say

The move from unemployed to gainfully employed

And if there's time a delightful recipe that is sure to please your dinner guests